Fencing

I live in a community of privacy fences, constructed of stone and cedar.  As someone who grew up in a very rural area with nobody in "shouting distance" but cattle and coyotes, the relative seclusion these border-walls provide has its appeal.  Mending Wall, a poem by Robert Frost, cleverly addresses the nuances of these constructions, both their causes and their curses, beginning with the continual maintenance every spring.

The book linked above, Boundaries, and its many strategic applications, is a fence-building manual of sorts that makes us better neighbors to others and to ourselves.  The cover of the book, even in its simplicity, is convicting to me.  The line is drawn with a pencil in that image...and I wish my own boundaries weren't so easily swept to the side.  Even in ink, though, I can imagine the metaphor of water-soaked smearing and smudging.  This has been a struggle for me my whole life, attempts to set healthy boundaries thwarted by my eagerness to avoid conflict and bring relief to others.

It's not something I'm elated about sharing, frankly.  I know the value of honest and honorable boundary setting.  I wrote many papers in my graduate studies about this relational form of fencing, only to realize the paper on which the writing was printed was probably better enforced than my actual boundaries.

It always feels more like fencing and fending off wounds to my heart, swords coming at me until I surrender because I don't want to hold my ground at anyone's expense.  As a War Veteran, it is that much more ironic than it already seemed, and why I know I need to master this, to soldier on even if it means being afraid.

Jotting with Johnna

• What frightens you in relationship with others?
• How does that impact your behaviors?
• What can you do today to rise above fear?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of taking up space in the world - both your world and the world of your social relationships.  It's courageous work, it's consistent work, and it's crucial work if you truly hope to be fully well.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.