Waiting is Weighty

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Hope deferred makes the heart sick...  Proverbs 13:12 states it well.  I really like my postman, and he's very friendly toward me as well.  It's nice, and it's been that way for years.  He's a kindly and humble man with a witty sense of humor and great affection for his wife, great appreciation for his life.  Many of my friends are retired postal carriers; and it's tough work, an endless task that has faced much evolution in just the last century.  I'm thankful for each postal worker and their willingness to contend with the elements, allergies, pets and pests...  I'd rather go back for another tour in Iraq (and two combat rotations there is plenty for anyone) than do the job these folks do.  

I've been very interested in the mail for several months now, awaiting a letter years in the making...and each day I check that box, hoping it's finally been sent to me.  No, it's not a sweepstakes winning letter - I don't participate, but apparently I "may have already won" some exciting prizes, so who knows.  It's a letter that is intensely personal, and it promises a bit of emotional closure once it is delivered, which won't be today, since my postman just left.

Waiting can be anticipation of something hoped for, it can be having faith in someone, it can also be something postponed.  It occurs to me, as I await this letter, that I've delayed the reality of my experiences the acknowledgment, understanding, and resolution...and I've been accumulating weight in the wait.  

In just the last few days, some emotionally tough things have been emerging, urging me to engage my awareness in not-subtle ways.  In our physiology as humans, toxins are stored in fat cells, especially when our natural mechanisms of toxin elimination are overwhelmed (which can happen with chronic stress and other situations).  Now that I know the letter that offers validation of some of the things I lived through but failed to process at the time is said to be a certainty, I've had changes in my skin, my internal [ahem] functions, and my emotional expression.  I realized that the accumulation of this weight began last summer with no obvious reason (at first glance).  It occurred to me just this morning that the most recent push for this particular letter began at the same time...and now that closure is said to come, my body is processing the pain, the heartache, the disappointment, and even the grief and anger it held onto in the meantime.

Jotting with Johnna
Have you noticed patterns, reflecting over your life, when you had a somatic (physiological) manifestation of an emotional problem?  Have you been heartsick as hope was deferred in your life, and what did that "look like?"  How might you better lean into (rather than delay or deny) the full reality of your experience and let the Healer carry the weight of it with you?  Jesus calls us to cast our cares on Him - how might that take shape in your situation?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of the psychological space, the prayer support, and the peaceful surrender of your burdens to God.  It means opening up places in your heart that are painful, scary, even tearful...but it lets healing happen when you trust Him with it all.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.