I Spent a Week There Last Night

This blog got no entry from me Sunday.  Saturday held an exquisitely painful experience for me; and upon opening this website to delve into my usual randomness, I noticed that Sunday was even less productive than I thought.  Nothing like a Monday to hit "reset."

This Monday began with hours of nightmares.  We all have our broken places, and even when we heal, sometimes there are tender spots that flare up and remind us of our history and our hurts.  No matter the subject matter, nightmares can shake us on a very deep level.  I'm not sure - even with a masters degree in counseling specializing in PTSD - just what purpose nightmares serve.  Dreams (both those at night and daydreams) have solid evidence of physiological and psychological benefit, but nightmares are like mosquitoes to me - they suck the fun out'a things.

Nights like I had last night seem simultaneously longer and shorter than others, even though the planet has not altered its spinning.  The old adage states that, "time flies when you're having fun," and the reverse has been noted as well.

So, how do you cope with those scarred places when life scours them raw again?  The Word admonishes us to "cast" our cares on God (1 Peter 5:7).  Our thoughts influence our feelings, and we are told to "take every thought captive" and submit it to the standard of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).  As for filters on incoming or ongoing thought patterns, we are given guidance for that in the fourth chapter of Philippians.

4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.[c]6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

(Philippians 4:4-9, New Living Translation)

I confess that those horrific images in my dreams last night made me feel anxious.  I didn't want to face them again, yet they returned "like a bad penny."  As a War Veteran, it's important to distinguish the difference between nightmares and flashbacks - they're not the same.  Flashbacks are not dreams, and they can show up anywhere, anytime.  Many of us who have experienced trauma have both.  It is the response of a normal brain to abnormal experiences.

Although I had those feelings of dread each time I woke and attempted sleep again, I also had peace.  How is that possible?  Because I trust in God - the same one whose presence was with me while I was in Iraq in 2007 and in 2008.  Isaiah 26:3 promises "perfect peace" when we fix our thoughts on God, because we trust in Him.  That perfect peace is not the same thing as a superficial serenity - in the way that joy can stay in the presence of grief and happiness cannot, perfect peace passes understanding or explaining, even in the presence of great emotional discomfort.

Jotting with Johnna
How do you cope when your feelings are not copacetic?  How do you redirect thoughts that elicit fear response initially?  How do you remind yourself that you are actually safe when a situation, flashback, or nightmare seems to transport you to the time and place you were vulnerable?  How might knowing these things, or at least considering an "exit strategy" help you avoid unhelpful behaviors you have used in the past to deal with discomfort?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of the care and thought it takes to ensure your thought-life supports a healthy existence overall.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.