4 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

This is the fourth post in a series of twelve.  Please refer to the first in this series for references and context regarding this series and its resources.  For the sake of preventing redundancy, I'm not repeating those links and citations through this and the series' post which follow it.

What's it all four anyway?  Okay, I'm being silly with homophones, but it's time to explore Step Four.

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

According to Bill B. as he recounts the Twelve Steps used by Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder, Bill W., "The first thing we need to do is clean house" before we can "straighten out spiritually," and make way for the remainder of life to realign.  In this Step, followers are instructed to compile a list of "things, people, and institutions" that elicit anger, and then review that list asking oneself why the anger is related to these objects.  In assessing this, the list maker is meant to see his or her own responses and reactions to the stimuli in the list and recognize his/her own failings.

Next, the "defects" revealed by the first instruction are to be listed.  Bill B. suggests, "you will find resentment, grandiosity, anger, jealousy, guilt - to name some of them."  The two-fold purpose of these instructions, according to Bill B. include the notion that "we can do nothing to change until we admit our own faults and ask God to remove them," which makes me think of confession leading to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10).  Secondly, Bill B. cites as the impetus for this inventory is "to look at how we have harmed other people in the past."  Further in the chapter, he notes that "the same character defects keep showing up" as you follow the timeline of your life.

Image resource:  https://slideplayer.com/slide/8870294/

Bill B. suggests a method of discovering and listing these "defects" by constructing a story beginning at your conception and culminating in your epitaph.  The autobiographical work of fiction he describes ameliorates fears that "we're going to divulge something we don't want to look at."

Bill B. asserts, "the greatest enemies of compulsive overeaters are resentment, jealousy, frustration and fear."  He states, "the way to get rid of all that from the past is to get rid of the reasons we want to hang onto it."  The fourth step is the first tangible action step, according to this text:  honesty first, hope second, trust third, and action fourth.

Especially in relation to unhelpful patterns of behavior, most of us have no problem mentally and emotionally castigating ourselves, whether it's vocalized or internally played on "repeat" in our minds.  I don't think that's particularly helpful, in fact it's been harmful in my own experience to ruminate in shame and self-loathing over my perceived shortcomings and persistent sins.  2 Corinthians 7:10 comes to mind again, but this time it's the latter part of the verse.  Guilt, shame, and fear keep me running to the very things I want to renounce.  The inventory is not meant to be a whipping post where we stand trial; rather it's meant, I think, to be a tool of realistic evaluation from which to derive useful information for recovery.

Jotting with Johnna:

• List what's caused you grief, guilt, or gut-level anger and why you imagine you have this visceral response.
• Write out the birds-eye version of your life's timeline, noting emotional and behavioral nuances that are revealed in the process.
• Let it be what it is and refuse the temptation to berate yourself - it's a history, a story; and this isn't the last chapter by a long shot.

Remember:
Regardless of your weaknesses and wrongs, you are still so very worthy of acceptance and of the work it may take to overcome the obstacles of your life - even those you erected yourself.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.