5 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Welcome!  If you're new here, or new to this series, please visit the first of twelve for references and related context to this content.

Step Five:

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

"Confession is good for the soul," I've always heard.  I'm uncertain who strung the words together in this precise fashion, but the concept is as old as time (Psalm 119:26; James 5:16; 1 John 1:9).  Even in the Garden of Eden, people were called to confess before further action was taken.  It's obviously important to recovery of all kinds, and the original set of Twelve Steps acknowledges that.

I've heard confession defined as "agreement with God about our selves and our sins."  Psalms 66:18-19 suggest that unconfessed sin creates a situation in which communication with God is shut down entirely.  In this way, confession truly is key to the door of forward progress toward restoration.

Image source:  https://images.app.goo.gl/dvh7WeWhEHVyd6qE8

Confession to others, however, meets with resistance as I consider it.  God already knows the truth, and it is futile to try and hide like Adam and Eve, hoping He won't find me out; also, His grace and mercy already sustain me, so I know I can trust Him with every detail.  Other humans, however, tend to look through lenses colored with their own kaleidoscope of belief, experiences, expectations, and other filters prone toward judgment and condemnation, or so my fears would tell me.  Isn't it funny how we can feel less alone when we go to someone and admit wrongs only to have them express they were complicit somehow, lessening the blame burden?  This reciprocity, however, isn't happening in Step Five.  That's because it isn't about mutual incursions but individual frailties, flaws, and fault - one's own alone.

In this step, the concept of a sponsor is explained.  The role of a sponsor, according to Bill B., author of Compulsive Overeater, 1981, is "to be supportive of the person s/he sponsors by guiding that person through the steps."  In receiving an inventory, a sponsor is not there to point out more defects or moralize the list in a way that makes sense to him or her; rather to simply listen attentively and hold reverent space for that person as they share in the safe confines of that relationship.

Jotting with Johnna:

• With whom can you safely share your story and self-evaluation?
• Are you willing to be completely honest with God and this "other human being?"
• What feelings arise when you consider the admission regarding the nature of your wrongs?

Remember:
You are not your behavior; but your behavior and your attitudes about it can bring you pain and defeat if you allow it to continue binding you where you are.  You are so very worthy of the liberating release of those bonds through authenticity and genuine confession.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

4 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

This is the fourth post in a series of twelve.  Please refer to the first in this series for references and context regarding this series and its resources.  For the sake of preventing redundancy, I'm not repeating those links and citations through this and the series' post which follow it.

What's it all four anyway?  Okay, I'm being silly with homophones, but it's time to explore Step Four.

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

According to Bill B. as he recounts the Twelve Steps used by Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder, Bill W., "The first thing we need to do is clean house" before we can "straighten out spiritually," and make way for the remainder of life to realign.  In this Step, followers are instructed to compile a list of "things, people, and institutions" that elicit anger, and then review that list asking oneself why the anger is related to these objects.  In assessing this, the list maker is meant to see his or her own responses and reactions to the stimuli in the list and recognize his/her own failings.

Next, the "defects" revealed by the first instruction are to be listed.  Bill B. suggests, "you will find resentment, grandiosity, anger, jealousy, guilt - to name some of them."  The two-fold purpose of these instructions, according to Bill B. include the notion that "we can do nothing to change until we admit our own faults and ask God to remove them," which makes me think of confession leading to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10).  Secondly, Bill B. cites as the impetus for this inventory is "to look at how we have harmed other people in the past."  Further in the chapter, he notes that "the same character defects keep showing up" as you follow the timeline of your life.

Image resource:  https://slideplayer.com/slide/8870294/

Bill B. suggests a method of discovering and listing these "defects" by constructing a story beginning at your conception and culminating in your epitaph.  The autobiographical work of fiction he describes ameliorates fears that "we're going to divulge something we don't want to look at."

Bill B. asserts, "the greatest enemies of compulsive overeaters are resentment, jealousy, frustration and fear."  He states, "the way to get rid of all that from the past is to get rid of the reasons we want to hang onto it."  The fourth step is the first tangible action step, according to this text:  honesty first, hope second, trust third, and action fourth.

Especially in relation to unhelpful patterns of behavior, most of us have no problem mentally and emotionally castigating ourselves, whether it's vocalized or internally played on "repeat" in our minds.  I don't think that's particularly helpful, in fact it's been harmful in my own experience to ruminate in shame and self-loathing over my perceived shortcomings and persistent sins.  2 Corinthians 7:10 comes to mind again, but this time it's the latter part of the verse.  Guilt, shame, and fear keep me running to the very things I want to renounce.  The inventory is not meant to be a whipping post where we stand trial; rather it's meant, I think, to be a tool of realistic evaluation from which to derive useful information for recovery.

Jotting with Johnna:

• List what's caused you grief, guilt, or gut-level anger and why you imagine you have this visceral response.
• Write out the birds-eye version of your life's timeline, noting emotional and behavioral nuances that are revealed in the process.
• Let it be what it is and refuse the temptation to berate yourself - it's a history, a story; and this isn't the last chapter by a long shot.

Remember:
Regardless of your weaknesses and wrongs, you are still so very worthy of acceptance and of the work it may take to overcome the obstacles of your life - even those you erected yourself.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.  

3 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Welcome to the third of a series of twelve exploring the interpretation of the original Twelve Step Program as it is used in Overeaters Anonymous.  Please refer to the previous parts of this series for background and for links to resources.

Let's begin!

Step Three, adapted for compulsive overeaters by author of Compulsive Overeater,1981, Bill B, reads thusly:  

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him."

Image resource:  https://hymnary.org

Once one humbly and honestly honors the situation s/he is in with the vexing behavior, then reverently recognizes that s/he is actually not without prospect of restoration, the choice to avail oneself of the care-taking God offers - and yielding to His leadership - is natural.  It is an act of volition to relent one's own agenda and rely on the One who can fix things.  It is a courageous act, and a crucial one.  When we learn that we will never master ourselves in and of ourselves, we reach to the Master.

Bill B's way of conceptualizing God seems more like building a god (little "g" intended) to suit oneself, which seems arrogant and misplaced in this journey of humbly seeking help from a "Power greater than ourselves."  If I am to believe in Someone as the Sovereign Authority, to trust Him to be big enough and wise enough to lord over my life, I don't want Him to be something I've invented.  Further, since I have "accepted myself the way I am," it serves me well to "accept God the way God is."

Before you think this means I'm going to bash you for believing God is different from my understanding of Him, relax - I've already established that freedom of faith and belief was one of the most important reasons I served in the military, so I must have a pretty significant stance on that freedom.  Part of that freedom, however, was my own; and as the old Hymn goes, I Know Whom I Have Believed.

Bill B. states that Step Three is "the step of trust."  He states, "There is a big difference between belief and trust...having trust is more than just acknowledging God's existence.  Having trust is being willing to allow God's existence to overshadow one's own existence."  Further, he admonishes, "Believe in a God who is trustworthy, and that God will never fail you." 

Real hurts in our history and confusion over calamities in the world can muddy the waters and add painful connotations to concepts of God, of Father, of Lord.  If your earthly parents or other guardians were cruel, negligent, or unreliable in any way, the idea of trusting a Loving Father may feel loathsome to you.  You may have anger, fear, or other trust issues tangling your heart's strings, and you are not alone if this is the case.  My heart hurts for your heart.  God's does too; and He can be trusted.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What emotions arise when you think of trusting God with your wellness quest and with the remains of your endeavors?
• Can you remember specific events in your life that perhaps informed your reaction?
• If you were able to revise your perspective, now that you have moved forward in life, how might you come to a place of trust?

Remember:
You are so very worthy of love and leadership that seeks your best life.  John 10:10 recognizes that there is an enemy whose ambition is to "steal, kill, and destroy;" but there is a Hero in Jesus whose aim is "that you might have life, and have it to the full."  No matter what the enemy has done to destroy your belief, your hope, your trust, you can count on the Hero Jesus is.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

2 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

This is the second in a series, exploring what place a set of twelve steps to recovery used by countless folks might have in the Wellness Script we craft for ourselves.  For Scribes seeing this post first, please refer to the post, 1 of 12:  A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts, to begin with a bit more context and links to resources.

Now, where were we?

Step Two, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity," conceivably, to a life managed well, sounds far more promising toward promoting wellness than Step One did for me.  As you likely noticed in the first post of this series, my stubbornness insisted upon hope by the end.  That's just swell, I figure, as it is an acceptance of who/what I am and that I'm apt to remain obstinately optimistic.

The key, according to Bill B, author of a 1981 interpretation of the original Twelve Steps for the purposes of recovery for compulsive overeating, is willingness to believe.  It seems prevalent in those of us whose food/body relationships have been perilous that we are willing to call ourselves crazy, out of control, or even hopeless; yet it is rare for us to entertain the notion that our perceived insanity might be remedied outside of our striving.  This notion is just what Step Two seems to declare, however, and that the restoration of sanity is delivered by a Power greater than ourselves.

It strikes me, as I consider this initially, that Step One speaks of the compulsive overeater's powerlessness, and Step Two promises that a Power is the answer.  I'm a believer in Jesus, and that's been no secret here on this free forum.  He is my Power, my Source, my Redeemer; and I am all that I am because He is who the Bible says He is.  If your faith background differs from mine, that is yours to have.  I fought for freedom's sake during my military career; and paramount of the freedoms I hold dear is the freedom to believe and practice as one's own heart and history lead them, so long as it does no harm to others.  

Image source:  https://www.biblejournal.net/2019/03/05/restoration-from-despair

The contention that the Object of one's worship and devotion could restore sanity is one I'm inclined to support.  I have been restored in every way by my Savior; and I believe He is all-knowing, ever-present, and absolutely-sovereign.  That means to me that, on a cellular level, a cognitive level, an emotional level, a social level, a spiritual level, and even on a behavioral level, I can trust God to lead me and to provide all I need for a life of wellness in every regard (2 Peter 1:3).

So, what is this "sanity" in context of Bill B's Compulsive Overeater?   He states,

"To me, sanity is being able to live my life and enjoy it without having to worry about food or people or situations, without worrying about things or letting things out there control me.  Sanity means eating in a normal way - not through discipline but through accepting myself as I am."

Jotting with Johnna:

• How would you describe your relationship with food and body image?
• Do you relate to the idea your eating behaviors constitute insanity?
• What resources might help you believe a Power greater than yourself could restore your sanity?

Remember:
You are so very worthy to believe that Someone who knows you intimately and whose power is limitless can and is willing to restore whatever has been broken in your life.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

1 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Obvious to anyone who has seen my recent posts, I've broken up with diet dogma.  It was a rough relationship, and one that has left me scarred.  I'm not going back, ever.  I do, however, still have a substantial library of scripts by those whose research and routines have helped many, including myself, find lines to include in our own Wellness Scripts.  As a fellow Scribe, especially at the beginning of the year, I intend to find and feature the pearls I find perusing these texts. 

This is the first in a series on one of the "oldies."  Fashioned after another lasting twelve step program, Overeaters Anonymous (OA) has related texts to explore.  I haven't ever been a part of this program, so I'll learn alongside you what each of these twelve step concepts might say to us today.

Image source:  https://step12.com/the-12-steps.html

Alcoholics Anonymous has been around for over eighty years now, its Big Book seen as the ultimate tome of recovery to this day by those in its various programs, OA included.  The links I've included in this post will take you to free resources, even a free digital copy of the Big Book itself.  There are many interpretations and offshoots of this program, all of them pointing back to the original and the program's co-founder, Bill W. (1895-1971).  Many readers are likely observing "dry January," and may find the Big Book helpful.

Bill B., another Bill for another burden, published his 1981 interpretation for compulsive overeaters after his own experience with OA helped him with that nemesis.  I linked the author with the book, republished in 2011; but since I was unable to find a free copy of Compulsive Overeater, the link takes you to Barnes & Noble, with whom I have no affiliation.  Nor have I affiliation with any other such seller, and as such, I'll disclose that my own 1981 copy came to me from a secondhand store commonly known as Goodwill.  Full disclosure:  many of my books are acquired secondhand, and I'm not sorry I've given them a second life.  Also, I believe in supporting your local public library.

Bill B's adaptation of the original Twelve Steps for use by compulsive overeaters is given in the pages before the book's preface, and the first is: 

"We admitted we were powerless over our food compulsion - that our lives had become unmanageable." 

Essentially, this is a recognition of the pain, grief, shame, and other costs of behavior and a humble recognition that our own attempts at modifying that behavior have profited us little.  It's a release of the pride which keeps one stuck in the muck and mire of unhelpful relationships with food and body.  It is an acceptance of self despite shortcomings and it separates one's self from one's relative sin - we are not our actions.  In Bill B's words, "What the First Step helps us to see is that we are what we are - and we are never going to be different."

It's no easy thing to honestly, unreservedly, and humbly accept oneself when the culture around us and the history behind us (even the dialogue within us) seems to insist we control and coerce ourselves into being other than what we are.  What, exactly, are we?  We are human souls inhabiting flesh, gifted with thought and intuition and language and all manner of liberties; and we are fallible, frail, fickle creatures whose innate mechanisms of regulation are given to dysfunction.  That does not mean we are wretched, hopeless, worthless folks who need a program in order to function - it means that we learned some ways of being which have become part of our identity up to this point.  As learning creatures, we are adaptable and ever changing, which means we have hope after all, our worth inherent in our existence, and our inner dialogue faulty and deceptive at times.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What reactions do you have to the concept you might be "powerless over" your own wellness obstacles?
• Are your own obstacles time management, impulse control, lack of boundaries, or is some other thing causing you to abandon your intentions in the moment of decision?
• Have you ever felt as though your life "had become unmanageable," and if so, is it because you were relying on your resolve to exercise control at all times?

Remember: 
You are a person of worth.  You matter.  You are not your behavior.  You are capable of more than you'll ever fully know, and that includes recovery.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Alphanumerical ideas on 2020.01.20

My affinity for language and diction, wordplay and other inventive combinations of our lexicon, is likely obvious to anyone who has stumbled upon my writing here or elsewhere.  Ever the poet, I'm also fond of numbers, their patterns and peculiarities a pleasing adventure for my brain.  I'm particularly fond of prime numbers, and my birth-date consists exclusively of primes, so I suppose it was destiny.

Today's date seems auspicious, as it is the twentieth day of the twentieth year since the turn of the century.  As such, there have been nearly three weeks since the New Year celebration with its related concepts and customs.  Of these twenty days, how do you feel about your behaviors and efforts toward your wellbeing?

Image credit:  https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxE4tqaLKHgCe57G_aCbGuqMfPEFnM4BaLVoZRfc2EeipQAuzw-46DQVo74RcfMR6hXe2Waao0ZM5AW3bY4bPCq_nGpcKR-ugGDrgSE7Ei8vrcpjlhgjjBNlNzmllx3XvAZ2d75tuFfpg/s1600/CALENDAR.jpg
On Leap Year, such as 2020 is, draw a line in the "Y" of February and add its 29th day.

I determined that, for at least twenty days each month of 2020, I'd perform twenty pushups (modified) and twenty situps.  I've used an inventive little page I found on the web to mark those days, keeping myself accountable and celebrating that accountability simultaneously as I fill in the day's block with a colored pen.  One night, I was disinclined to perform my little ritual, and that was acceptable because I only need perform it 2/3 of the month anyway to keep the promise I made myself.  In this way, I built in a bit of cushion for rest/recovery and engineered a way to keep the numbers from toying with my emotions.

Thus the topic of the day:

numbers can be motivating or menacing, 

especially those related to our health; 

and the feelings attached are fickle,

sometimes even destructive.

I own a scale - a nice one - but the number displayed on its read-out isn't always, well, nice.  Oddly, when the number marking the impact of gravity on my body that day is deemed in a positive light, I'm apt to stand a bit taller.  Conversely, when it seems gravity's pull is more like a personal orbit, even if I felt pleased with myself before stepping upon the device, I feel shamed and sad afterward.  I have not stood upon the judgmental square in quite some time - a cursory look at the app to which it syncs revealed that it was Halloween last year.  I honestly haven't missed the measurement, so I didn't realize I had gone through the holiday season without so much as a nod to it except when I was cleaning beneath it.

Tracking one's weight, measurements, and other such data can be helpful - even possibly necessary for someone whose health is precarious; but I have obviously survived months without a visit to the digital abacus which had been my albatross.  I've always thought the better measure of one's corpulence could easily be assessed in one's clothes closet.  To be honest, I've had more than one rueful encounter with my (old school, spandex-free) jeans generate a bit of repentant action (or abstinence) over the years.

Public Service Announcement:  leggings, glorious though their embrace may be, will lie to you.

I abdicated a throne of sorts within a community of people who bowed to the idol of weight-wariness (and weariness) more than a year ago now, and it has been more freeing than I can articulate.  The fear and manipulation and mind-games inherent in those weekly weigh-ins (and in my case, I was only required a monthly weigh-in for most of the decade-plus I participated) makes me sad now.  The number, even though it was met with praise most of the time, wasn't always reached via healthy means.  Overexercising, dehydration, and obsession with food's (arbitrary) numerical data took up more of my life than I am willing to confess.  And this is the case for every other "member" with whom I have had the intimacy to inquire.  So, I walked away from a community-culture in which I had obtained rock-star status; and it was not easy, but I kept stepping forward into the unknown... 

In so doing, I walked into a wonderland of self-evaluation and discovery afforded to me with the return of the energy and attention I once paid to the god of that "lifestyle."  I refuse to permit my worth to be summed up by any number; and the attempt to express how healthy that has been for me cannot be summed up in even our vast possibilities of elocution.

Jotting with Johnna:

• How do the numbers on the scale, measuring tape, or clothing size tags impact your outlook?
• Do you find yourself feeling rebellious or defiant (why even try, I deserved better) when you've "been good" only to perceive the weight or other measurement as "bad?"
• Ever been so disappointed by the digits that you literally thought, "no fair?"
• Alternately, have you ever dreaded weighing, only to find the number more favorable than you thought?
• Is there some other way you might find to observe your body's relative strength, flexibility, stamina, and function?  
• Hint:  yes, there are several.  
• List a few you will try.

Remember:
Scrabble and Sudoku are swell games to play with alphanumeric icons; but numbers that hurt your spirit are entirely optional sources of pain.  You are worthy of a more appropriate assessment of your value than any calipers could determine for you.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

Save the Best for Last

Rules, dogma, beliefs, and expectations regarding behavior with food - they're so much a part of my mental backdrop that I didn't really question them until recent years.  I was born in 1973, so I came of age during a time the diet craze was permeating every venue from school to church, home to market, neighbor to neighbor.  My earliest memories of my mother involve her many diets.  When my father had a heart attack (I was fifteen), the low-fat concept was preached as absolute salvation from all woes.  It radically and rapidly changed everything from pantry to plate for my entire family - we were quick and militant converts to the low-fat/no-fat movement.  Thank Heaven, science has debunked those ways, but it left many folks sick while it held sway.

Image credit:  thelist.com

There's history, however, prior to the days of leg warmers and excessive hair spray, relevant to the stage I'm setting.  My father was born in Missouri during the time of the Depression and under the weight of the Dustbowl Era.  He and my grandfather moved here for work and then my grandmother and aunt followed in the state-to-state migration of the family.  He knew real want, knew real hunger, and knew scarcity as a status quo.  My mother was born here in Oklahoma in 1945, and lived near other family members, sharing with neighbors in order to scratch out meager rations.  To have some sweet, decadent food was indeed a special occasion - a feast of sorts - and treated with reverence.

Humans have celebrated with feasts and commemorated times of fasting since we were created.  Food scarcity is still a problem for many around the world; and when food is made available, it is wise for those who suffer such lack to get what they can - even saving the choicest bits for last, something to look forward to and to relish until the next opportunity.  Forced periods of fasting are rare to most whose eyes will see these lines.  We have access in excess of our needs, at least when it comes to acquisition of something to sate the appetite.  Feasts have become our default as it is common for coworkers to have lunch in restaurants - and one must "get the money's worth."  Portion sizes served typically are so enormous as to be shameful - eliciting a shame response for certain when a consumer is in fact able to "finish the plate."  We feast ourselves fat and fail to fast in balance, the voice of our body's higher wisdom drowned out by the cacophony of internal and external static.

Chew on this:

• When was the last time you dined out in a restaurant that was devoid of screens - on the walls, on the table, or those we currently tote around with us?  
• When was the last time you partook in a meal and simply savored the blessing of your freedom to choose what sat before you?  
• When was the last time you noticed you felt absence of hunger before you felt uncomfortably stuffed - or saw the plate's entire surface area exposed like some magic trick?

I grew up being admonished to "save the best for last," but never truly questioned the wisdom of it until recent years.  What if, given the vast opportunities to nourish oneself, I approached the plate differently - electing instead to discern what aspect my intuition hinted was the nourishment I needed in that moment?  Then, rather than endeavor to maintain the cultural conditioning of consumption (cleaning the plate), what if I paid attention to the processes of my amygdala/hypothalamus in its dance with the other "brains" of digestion - the spirit/heart and the "gut-brain?"  What if I listened to the subtle suggestions of this amazing body and learned what it is to be comfortably fed, ceasing to consume more until I felt less so?  What if (nutritionally) that's the "best" I've been saving for the "last" decades of my life? 

I realize I've indulged in a bit of repetitive introspection, but perhaps someone reading this needed to think this through and hadn't yet done so.  I'm so grateful to live in relative ease when it comes to accessible edible abundance, the freedom to choose, the luxury of setting down the fork because I know there will always be something when I am in need again.  Not everyone has the advantage - I was once one of those folks, and it informed the first few decades of my life.  Scarcity now, however, is merely a perceived threat for me, rather than a present one.  Can you relate?

Jotting with Johnna:

• When you prepare to eat, what items do you prepare other than the food and utensils?
• Does the thought of eating without the distractions of television or reading or other entertainment cause you anxiety?
• Where do you notice you have developed habits around food that may no longer be relevant?
• What can you do today to apply an eraser to parts of the nourishment script you've followed?
• List a few ways you might detach from the distractions during meal/snack times.

Remember:
We learn as we go, and we don't have to stop that learning in any area.  You are worth the self-study, the awkward moments, the space-shifting it may take to evaluate your mind's programming regarding nourishment, entertainment, waste, and any other concept that comes up for you as you read these lines.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Heeding Signals

Take a drive, virtually anyplace, and you'll observe drivers either acting in accordance with or in defiance of traffic signals.  Traffic signals - from "yield" and "stop" to posted speed limits - are intended to promote safety and to expedite flow of all vehicle operators and pedestrians on the roadway.  In order to obtain a license to drive, one must become acquainted with the signs and the procedures they signify.  It's hard to believe, sometimes, when I watch the actions of other drivers, that we all were taught the same meanings ascribed to the symbols and colors, even the words and pictures meant to govern safe travel.  

Image credit:  https://fairwheels.com/understanding-the-concept-of-traffic-signals-traffic-signals-save-lives

Everywhere you go, people are human; 

and that means we act in ways contrary to training or conscience, 

presuming (at least occasionally) that we are exceptional to the standards.

What of the signals offered by our bodies, though?  Often, our societal training overrides the signals provided in the intricate and amazing creation of our bodies and minds.  Messages regarding "wastefulness," expectations from loved ones and other authority figures to conform to their norms around food, advertisements for processed food, and so many influences make the road signs of our intuition difficult to see - like a fog of information clouding the innate judgment of the brain.  

Consider it:

• How often have you felt sated, yet you were compelled to "finish your plate?"
• Were you chided for eating too slowly or methodically, or for your aversion to a food?
• Have you ended an eating experience, only to wonder where the food went?

The natural eating style of these masterfully-designed human bodies gets confused as we attempt to please others (or avoid their displeasure with us).  As a military Veteran, I can attest that it's not just our families of origin contributing to the mixed messages.  In Basic Military Training, one must devour food and drink any way possible as quickly as possible without choking to death...and that programming is difficult to fight once the career in uniform ends.  In school, as children, this is often an issue as well, either stemming internally from our desire to exit the dining facility to join others at recess or from the external pressures of those facilitating the flow of children on a strict time frame.  Those are just a couple of examples, and the family of origin examples are too many to compile in this simple blog post - and family members have their own set of beliefs and practices passed down to them, their own reasons for teaching children (or pressuring adults) to eat in certain ways.  Mostly, the motives of parents passing along these methods of eating are not malicious but pure.  Finally, the food industry in general manufactures additives which confound sensory inputs in an effort to increase consumption and sale of their edible products.

We are (except those few with particularly rare medical issues) equipped from the womb with internal mechanisms of nourishment.  As newborns, we sense hunger, satiety, the need to eliminate waste, the need for sleep, the need for touch, and many other things that keep us healthy and functioning well.  By the time we are old enough to articulate those needs using language, many of the messages the body sends are met with the resistance of external influence.  

Just as we have unlearned the meaning of our intuition's gentle nudges, however, 

we possess the ability to relearn them 

and to reject the notions we picked up on the way to this point in life.   

The fact is, Scribes, the pen rests in your hand.  As adults, you are sovereign over your selections, powerful enough to determine whether or not it is appropriate to feed yourself or pass on the opportunity, knowing that food is readily available (at least to anyone reading this blog) and will be available when the actual requirement for sustenance is signaled by the body/brain.  How then shall we proceed?

Jotting with Johnna:

• When was the last time you waited to feel "hungry" before partaking in "breakfast?"
• Do you still hold to the notion that "breakfast" must be had before a specific time of day?
• Have you taken a moment to question your beliefs around nourishment?
• Why might you be resistant to revere your body's innate direction regarding when to begin and cease an eating experience?
• How might you intentionally attune to the body's natural stop-slow-go, yield, and speed signals? 

Remember:

You inhabit a body that is bio-individual, unique in its needs and preferences.  You alone master the utensils you hold.  You alone know the cultural conditioning and other manipulations which steer you from the path of intuitively nourishing yourself; and you alone can refute them in your behavior.  You are so very worthy of the time and attention it will take to explore and live out the nuances of your Wellness Script when it comes to following the director within you.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Clean Slate

Image credit:  https://theparentcue.org/wipe-the-slate-clean

This time of year, especially at the beginning of a decade, messages abound on various media and in our social circles that point to the opportunities of a "clean slate."  Much like the proverbial "glass half [empty/full]" can always be refilled, the "slates" of life can always be swiped clean again, can't they?  In truth, the moment - any moment - every moment - is a fresh chance to begin, to reset, to approach all aspects of life in a "new" way.  There's no reason to postpone progress to the first of a week or the first of a month or the first of a year; nor is there any purpose in feeling defeated when a start is met with a stop, whether internally or externally induced.  Resolutions, then, are limitless in scope and no proper cause for self-judgment or grounds for surrender of goals.

It's a couple weeks into 2020 as I wax philosophical at my keyboard, and already the gym's parking lot was less congested than it had been Monday.  My regular 0530 crew of "repeat offenders" continue to show; and while we are always glad to see "newbies," the attrition is no surprise once the "New Year" is less new. 

Are you just beginning - or restarting?  Great!  I hope everyone you encounter is kind and encouraging, that you advocate for yourself by asking for assistance when you need it, and that you stay your course.  You will fail - we all do - to be perfect.  Humans are not meant to be perfect, and no matter how resolute you are, things will happen to throw you off track.  But take heart, the track didn't dissolve when you detoured; you can start with the next decision and get "right back on the horse." 

Yes, there are myriad metaphors here in these lines, but the message isn't cliche. 

 There will likely be more metaphor and simile here, because word pictures work!  

Just because you veered from your intended route, that doesn't mean you cannot "recalculate," as GPS devices are fond of saying.  Keep your promises to yourself, even if it means offering grace when you don't.

Jotting with Johnna:

• Have you felt that your efforts are "all or nothing?"
• How might you revise your mindset with the experience of "dropping the ball" on your goals?    
• Does perfectionism elicit self-hate when your performance is sub-par?
• Might "built-in-breaks" be part of your "plan" from the beginning - how might those bits of mercy change your overall success rate?
• What can you say to yourself or do for yourself when the inevitable slump or pit-stop threatens your forward momentum?

Remember:
Every breath is a beginning.  You are so very worthy of whatever it takes to get you drinking the water, taking the walk, lifting the things...

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Technical Difficulties

I'm currently at a work table in front of my built-in entertainment center, my laptop tethered by cord to my Apple TV device (one I've had for several years).  Why?  Because, apparently, the little box needed some TLC - not the television station, but the acronym alluding to attention and alteration.  I'm currently updating the software relevant to the times.

That has me thinking of our wild and wondrous lives.  We don't work well when we are bogged down with outdated ways of thinking or being or behaving in the world, do we?  I am certain I've needed a reset more than once in my adult life, and it hasn't ever been as simple as a cord and a few control inputs.  Usually, it's felt more like a destructive reboot (or a literal boot to my bum).

My Cache, Recycle Bin, and Downloaded Files get clogged in this amazing and connected life; and sometimes the overwhelmed circuits of my brain and body call for a spontaneous shut-down.  Having been in bed nursing a migraine three straight days, I realize this blog post was in the works for a while.  Sometimes my mind is more foolish than I'd care to admit, because I tend to dismiss the signals it's wisely urging me to heed.  That's when it will shut down without ceremony.

Confession:  the first three paragraphs were penned on 15 December.  It's 11 January - a whole new year - and I've got the second Apple TV device to update for my roommate's entertainment system.  I've been working so much around the house and having contractors in and out, not to mention the holiday-specific parts of life, that I delayed the thought until now.  Ironically, the post I wrote yesterday (Death and Taxes) had to do with updating software. 

There's a theme working here, I notice.

Often, when electronics are wonky in their operation, it's advisable to "cycle power."  That merely means that power is turned "off" and then back "on," usually with an interval in between those modes of operation.  When all else fails, unplug.  Other times, a factory reset is required to clear the system of interference (like cleaning out the lint filter on the dryer).

This week, even amidst the fearsome to-do list, I let myself off-the-hook for my morning gym sessions.  That's no small thing, given that I spend that time with my bestie; and excusing myself from our 0530 sweat sessions meant I'd get a little more sleep, but miss out on much-needed buddy time.  Factory resets - getting down to essentials - sometimes ditch the good with the bad; but they're often necessary in this life of incessant inputs.

Jotting with Johnna:

• How do you attend to and alter your life when you need a reset?
• What have you learned "the hard way" from refusing to rest?
• Who might help you be more mindful of the need to "cycle power?"

Remember:
Machines get overheated and people get overwhelmed; but there are ways to keep a system operational.  You are so very worthy of the reset, the act of cycling power, and the effort of updates to your software from time to time.  Find someone who holds you accountable to rest when you are resistant so you can avoid catastrophic system failure (or in my case, migraines).  Think of it as a firewall or fail-safe friend. 

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Death and Taxes

I figure my own income tax.  I have done this every year since I set out on my inaugural adventure of employ.  I also still have a copy of those early returns, even though I technically no longer need most of them.  More accurately, I suppose, my income tax is figured on my personal computer, replete with ten-key for all the digits and details.  I use the same software every year since the complexity of my tax situation warranted it - you might hear the sigh as I recall the days of procuring a paper form at the local post office and filling the boxes...a simpler time...  

I use the same software, that is, with updates...

The annual task of taxes has me thinking of the process with new focus now in 2020.  Every year, I purchase the new software license and update for that year.  Why?  Every year, there are changes to the law.  As our country and its conscience evolves, so the ways with which our contributions are considered evolve in turn.

How is it that we accept these changes in tax law as a natural (even if begrudging) happening; yet the changes in our physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, fiscal, and other aspects of existence are resisted or denied?  Isn't it logical to believe that the "software" and even the "laws" behind our digestion, musculature, posture, thought-life, social situation, and pocketbook would also show another year has passed?  Perhaps we are too afraid to face the entropy, maybe it's our collective need for control or perceived constancy...but we humans see the certainty of tax law shifting while we dismiss the near-obvious and nuanced shifts in our very-present reality.

What if new software, an update to match our aging hardware, could be as easily obtained as the compact disk from which my tax software is currently extracting files?  Oddly, I think we might better cope with such an update; but the subtle and unyielding ways in which our bodies display the marks of time...that's a "bit of a pickle."

Many books and blog posts and seminars address the inevitable modifications made by on a cellular basis.  Most of those whose reach is recognizable in the United States offer a manner of magic hinting to the fountain of youth.  Fear-based fanaticism over facing the multi-faceted impact of gravity and the consequences of our choices are capitalized upon by those who believe with zealous passion they have the silver bullet...  Granted, these tomes have their merits and can improve the quality of life for those who are able to sift through the diatribes to the diamonds on those pages; but what does the popularity of these writings say about us, really?

Corsets, hair color, creams, girdles, control-tops, push-ups...all aimed at youth-ing, all while making us insecure, uncomfortable, inconvenienced, and indebted, they age us in so many ways, ironically.

What if we recognized the gift age is?

What if the problem is that the software we are using is meant for a model that's obsolete?

What if the upload we require is already within us - and always was?

Jotting with Johnna:

• What might happen if you listened to your current cues of hunger and satiety?
• What if you lovingly stretched and lingered there a bit, rather than rushing to the next thing to do?
• How might you embrace the body, mind, spirit, soul, social circle, and pocketbook you actually have, practicing good stewardship and gratitude?
• Do you think an intuitively-driven stewardship might bring more peace to your daily life?
• Where might you spend the energy and other resources you currently wile away at fighting the years of life with which you are blessed?

Remember:

You are so very worthy of the acceptance and care it takes to see yourself for the changeling you are and allow the changes to happen while also appreciating the wisdom of caretaking...

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

It's Tradition!

As I type, it's 05 December, and I'm surrounded by accouterments of holiday cheer.  Some are considered traditional, while others are unique to my own eclectic whims.  White silk roses join bright red poinsettias and vintage brass candles atop my table.  Traditionally, I'd be writing in my office, but I haven't decked that particular bit of hall.  I don't want to miss the beautiful things of this season, so I'm leaning in and breaking with the pattern of the other eleven months any way I can.

This is the time of year I most often hear the word, tradition.  It's likely because this is a part of the year steeped in symbolism.  Whatever the faith background may be, each of us probably experience a bit of nostalgic meaning when certain sensory inputs are presented - the scent of spiced tea, the bright lights strung in and out of homes, wreaths and wondrously-adorned trees...  These items are not necessarily exclusive to this time of year, but traditions involving them may be.

A dear friend, April, leaves her "Christmas tree" up all year (intentionally); but most folks practice the tradition of "putting up the tree" and then putting away the tree once the new year is breached.  I've hung a sparkly mistletoe decoration in the archway of my foyer, and while it's a nice thought to let it remain, I know I'll be compelled by tradition to tuck it away until next year when the time comes.  Some things are made more sacred by their relative absence.

Music this time of year, along with merry greetings from friends and strangers alike, enhance the audible traditions wherever I go.  Not everyone is glad and cheery about such things, but such sounds are virtually inescapable.  A tradition I haven't engaged in for several years is caroling, taking the tomes of the holiday to others in unison voice.  For years, I would carol at the local nursing home; and the joy expressed by those whose memories were refreshed - many of them singing along - still warms my heart.  Anyone up for some caroling?

Unfortunately, sometimes people use the "traditions" to pressure others.  When one pursues a more health-conscious way of being (especially with regard to food), it's often met with a disdainful, "you must [have/partake/indulge] - it's tradition!"  If you recognize that you urge others in this way, I challenge you to break with this tradition; and if you regularly face such pressures, I encourage you to gently do what works for you rather than balk.  There is power in a cheerful response; and your loved ones will forget that your abstinence or moderation, but they're not likely to dismiss a discussion if you engage in such dialogue.  Start a new tradition.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What symbols, songs, and traditions do you cherish this time of year?
• Are there traditions you'd rather remove from your festival?
• How might you rewrite the script for your holidays to honor your own wellness while maintaining reverence for the wishes of others?

Remember:  "it's the most wonderful time of the year," and you can decide for yourself what that means.  You are so very worthy of the forethought, compassion, and boundary enforcement involved in protecting your wellness while projecting love to others.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

Superhero Backstory

I smile when I think of the superheroes I've witnessed - those larger-than-life characters on film and the awe-inducing ones I've had the honor of admiring in real life.  One thing I've enjoyed in recent popular culture has been the superhero backstories that have manifested from the minds of authors and screenwriters.  My imagination and curiosity has always driven me to investigate why folks do what they do, from whence comes their capacity for greatness or simple, gracious, courage despite the looming nemeses they have faced, and the motives compelling good (or gory) actions.  These backstories help to explain the loss, pain, duty, and other components that generate the powerful characters that captivate our sense of wonder.

https://movieweb.com/sky-cinema-superheroes-trailer/

Everyone has one - a backstory.  Not everyone becomes a nasty villain or virtuous hero; but we all have the ability to be either.  Capes aside, we each bear a mantle, and many have been driven to wear a mask - often that mask is meant to protect themselves in some way, a wall to the world...

When I learn where someone "comes from," his or her history disclosed to me - a precious and precarious trust established, I hold the peculiar jewel of those personal truths most valuable.  Those experiences and exposures contributed to the person they have become, the potential of what could be.  Often, these histories hinder, but often they herald a higher calling yet to be realized.  These disclosures also hint to the meaning/origin of the masks people wear, why they are prevalent, and what it would cost to cast them aside and face the world in stark, brave bareness.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What is your superhero backstory - those relationships, realities, realms in which you learned and grew, the elements which coalesced into the man or woman you are now?
• How has your past shaped your personhood, your attitudes and behaviors?
• Do your coping mechanisms and ways of relating with the world hearken to your history; and how are they helping or hindering you?
• Whose influence contributed to the person you have become; and who is impactful in your current development?
• Where might you garner superpower-like resolve to fulfill your promises, vows, to make real what dreams and passions wrestle for recognition in your spirit?
• Why not make today the day your backstory bolsters you to those things?
• Are you hesitant because the mask you have worn has become too comfortable to shed?
• If so, are you willing to do the work of self-discovery to boldly become free of it?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of breaking free of - building fire of - the backstory which brought you to this point.  You are the chooser, the catalyst, the Scribe of your own Wellness Script in everything from casting, alternate endings, and plot twists.     

https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-eliot-quotes

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Stay SUPER.

Jigs

I have only one memory of my Paw-Paw, my paternal grandfather, Albert "Jigs" Sandridge.  I have also only one artifact aside from the headstone he shares with my Granny in our family plot; and my memory does not include that artifact.  The item which had belonged to him was his legendary harmonica, a now-ancient M. Hohner Tuckaway whose box's aged tape from numerous attempts at preservation belie both its preciousness to my late father and its delicate state.

As a child, I would - as stealthily as possible - spirit away with the magical musical instrument, attempting at its chords discordantly.  I'd had training with choir vocals, piano/organ, and the coronet; but this wee bit of metal and wood elements eluded mastery, probably likely to the secretive and seldom opportunities of experience with it.  It seems a family legacy of musical pursuit would be best served in the simple-seeming act of utilizing this heirloom..but it will require time and discipline to focus on its practice.

I've not only tried to play Paw-Paw's "mouth-harp," but bought "trainers" with the intention of ridding myself the novice mistakes on lesser instruments.  My time playing acoustic guitar seemed to hold promise, as the same chords relate to both the stringed and sighing implements of music here mentioned paragraphically.  Yet, the Tuckaway sits mocking me as I type.

Also, I might add, do the shelves of books whose bits of wisdom I had hoped to apply to this meager blog in content, contentedly contributing to the Wellness Scripts of her readership.  Why do we collect things and then allow them to collect tolls on our souls in such manner?  I think we have great intentions, those of us whose creative and compassionate hearts seek to do good in the world with the writ available and the wit afforded us by our Creator...it's that the follow through is less thrilling than the pursuit, perhaps.

Knowing the tendencies of the mortal mind, then, 

what shall a harmonica-owning, book-blessed meaning maker do 

to master the reviews, the recital, and the real-time realization 

of dreams so easily made evident in her home office?  

Deadlines can be lifelines in such instances.

My grandfather, "Jigs," as he was known in his youth, was capable of leading a squaredance, playing his Tuckaway, and participating in the squaredance himself at once.  I did not witness this, as I was the latest part of his life, beyond the breathing of music and magic for which he had become known; but enough have attested to the truth of it to hold me accountable to a calling of fitting capacities.

As for my solitary, serenely vivid memory of Paw-Paw?  I was on his lap in the home he shared with Granny on Wheeling.  His weathered and dappled hands turned the pages of what was to my toddler perspective an enormous storybook.  The story was Puss in Boots, complete with illustrations.  I recall feeling safe and content in that tender embrace, a man whose hands had driven school buses, troweled cement, laid bricks, and done all manner of work to provide for his family...  Those same hands cradled the Tuckaway as its music soothed souls likely sharing struggles that would cause modern folks to shudder.

As my father was born in 1930 and his sister in 1934, the Dustbowl and Depression had marked the lives of my grandparents well before they reared their two offspring; yet they played the organ and harmonica, sang hymns, and thrived.  My grandmother had been a nurse, and at over six feet in height, she had paid the price of years on her feet by the time she died a few years after Paw-Paw.  They knew hard times, but also obviously valued the arts despite the austerity they had faced, moving from Oregon County, Missouri to Tulsa, Oklahoma in search of opportunities not afforded them in their hometown.

We are all gifted in a way to reflect the image of God individually unique to all other humans - that's my belief anyway.  Be it music or medicine or more practical work, each of us has a part to play.  One cannot dawdle when the music is playing.  Even amid mistakes and missteps, the beat carries the musician forward as a Muse brings forth words to these pages...

Jotting with Johnna:

• Do you have unfinished tasks calling to you?
• How does the business of belated follow-through make you feel?
• What actions might you take today to overcome inertia and invest some work into these tasks?
• With whom might you contract to ensure you involve your mind and energy on a regular basis in the fruition of your stated aims?
• Are there tasks and items or activities you wish to simply put to rest and riddance in favor of others; and if so, what stops you?

Remember:  it has been said that we needn't hold onto a mistake simply because of the time we have spent making it.  If there are obstacles impeding your progress, you are so very worthy of the thought and effort - even the discomfort - of releasing those things so that you can live your very best life now.  Whatever your interest or instrument, you were not born to bear it as a weight around your neck, but to juice the thing for what it has for you (which is entirely subject to individual needs, desires, and calling) in the time for which it is for you.  Not everything - nor everyone - in your life is for all seasons, save the Savior.

Like a Boss

As I write this, it's 16 October, National Boss' Day.  I have a personal interest in this composition, as someone of whom I am terribly fond happens to be in a management position.  It's the first time I'll have the opportunity to celebrate that part of his identity, so I'm uniquely inspired.

Image source address

What makes a "good boss?"  Dictionary.com points out a few ideas related to this in its entry for the four-letter-word, "boss."  This individual "makes decisions, exercises authority, dominates...superintends workers...is master over others...manages, directs, controls..."  My mother was a bakery/deli manager for a substantial chain of grocery stores here in the USA; and I watched her perform her duties as the boss by leading by example.  She never asked a worker to do something she was not willing to do herself.  She could be stern but was discerning with those in her sphere.  My father was sole proprietor of a tree service, which has its own set of arduous demands and onerous decisions.  He too was a dirt-under-the-nails kind of working boss; and I spent much of my childhood on the job with him, banter and humor were staples interwoven with safety and efficiency.

Resourcefulness, creativity, and wise compassion may not come instantly to mind for some when they consider a boss; but I've witnessed these traits play out in groups to great avail.  In my military career, having learned from my parents and others whose dominion over my work brought lessons about followship, fidelity, and faith, I sought to be the kind of leader whose calloused hands and determined spirit inspired accountability and eagerness in my airmen.  I had operated my own business prior to enlisting, and the lessons I learned during that decade of my life solidified those of my youth.

I think, essentially, a leader is a learner - one who studies people.  What motivates someone to work effectively for a boss?  I believe it is a matter of concern expressed and consistency exemplified.  Balance is crucial between the heart and head when putting hands to service and commanding a group of folks whose backgrounds may infinitely diverse.  Work ethic, cultural inputs, expectations of self and others, clear communication, and boundaries are some of the things that factor into a positive work environment and fulfillment in one's career at any level.

Whether or not you have served in a leadership position, you are the boss of your wellness.  What items you choose to partake, how you move and rest, even the way you think - all these things factor into the results you see in your body and mind.  Whether you are a good one or a bad one, you're living in your body like a boss.

Jotting with Johnna: 

• Are you accountable to show up for yourself, leading your life with intention?
• Whose influence has been forceful in your decisions (media, parents, significant other)?
• Is it time you "cleaned house" and took a greater leadership role in your nutrition and fitness?
• What one thing will you do today to assert your sovereignty over your food and activity?
• If you had to write a performance evaluation for your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional wellness, what would be your 
• strengths?
• weaknesses?
• areas of improvement?
• objectives for the coming season?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of the realization that you alone are responsible for the management of your wellness.  We all do well to glean what we can from the wisdom and experience of others, but in the end, it's your story - your bottom line - for which you will have to give an account.  Write your own Wellness Script and watch the profit and loss shift in your favor.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.  ...Like a boss!

Grasping & Releasing

Have you ever run across something in your possession and wondered why you kept it?  Having moved within the past year, I've had opportunities to explore just that.  At the moment, several Christmas ornaments grace my desk.  Four of them are identical, unopened 2014 Swarovski annual snowflake ornaments I purchased as gifts for people I never ended up meeting (long story).  Now, I have these collectible items (valued at $133 each on Amazon just now) sitting in their triangular boxes mocking me for a former year's foolishly exuberant gift buying.

Those four boxes of crystal have me thinking that some things perceived as valuable in one way can also poke at vulnerabilities, cause self-doubt and even conjure self-defeating thoughts and behaviors.  In short, some things can weigh us down simply because we continue to hold onto them.  

Image credit:  https://www.thaitechnics.com/fly/principle.html

In ground school, I studied the dynamics of thrust, drag, lift, and weight.  The F-16 C/D jets I maintained during my military career relied upon thrust from the single engine to propel them forward, to overcome the jet's substantial weight including fuel and payload, to create air pressure and stimulate lift, all the while avionics-equipped to minimize drag in its fly-by-wire system.  Naturally, attachment of centerline fuel tanks, targeting pods, munitions, and the like would increase weight and drag forces.  It's still arguably the most agile fighter jet in service, even with a full load; but compensation for the drag and weight differences are made at a price.  During sorties, though, the bombs and sometimes even tanks can be released from the air over specified areas, significantly altering the dynamics once again, making the jet more efficient by landing time.

I have paid a price in available storage space and self-esteem with the ornaments I still have in my grasp.  They will soon bless someone else's home, this time outside their boxes, as I release them.  In the releasing, I'll be realizing a little less drag.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What items, activities, concepts, projects, or perspectives might be causing drag in your life?
• What step can you take today to release the weight of them?
• Is a mindset of scarcity, fear, or other limitation keeping you from dropping those things?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of the evaluation and consequent elimination or delegation of anything keeping you from soaring!  Consider, pray, and decide today how you will take action and enlist someone who will hold you accountable - a wingman.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Bookish & Bullied

I am surrounded by books - blissfully so.  Reading and writing are like breathing and walking to this whimsical spirit of mine; and my office reflects that...also the bins of books in my garage I have as yet been unable to fit into my office's substantial shelves.  I'm wordy and witty and want not for change in that end.

However, many of the books I've selected and sequestered to my writing nook have lost the relevance and resonance they held when first I found them.  As ScriptedWellness' originator, leader of a wee band of Wellness Scribes (my readership), and a woman whose quest for the quilt-like fragments of wisdom which might be woven into said Script from others, I have often bought books in order to facilitate this endeavor.  Now, however, as I view the covers of the vast assembly of books, I have had trouble deciding to write on one of them.  It's a quandary for certain.

Lately, it just seems so very simple and unforced to peaceably listen to my innate wisdom - the intuitive and powerful communication from my body and mind which God designed to keep me well.  As they say in popular parlance, "sorry, not sorry."  It's a serene situation I've sought for decades, and I am loathe to give that up for rules and restrictions which obviously contribute to further bondage and eventual failure.

Not only don't I want to read and write on these things, but I don't want to inflict the damaging dietary dogma on those who happen upon this page - it's meant as a ministry, a resource.  I do, however, intend to bring content I believe contributory to a contented relationship with food, body, and the sphere in which my Scribes each reside.  It's evolutionary and revolutionary on a very personal level.

Jotting with Johnna:

• Have you experienced a paradigm shift in your approach to caring for body and mind?
• What feelings and thoughts informed from and then appeared because of this shift?
• Is it time to question the words on your own walls?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of the time and attention it takes to determine whether something in your life is a help or hindrance; and you are the only person responsible to eradicate that which no longer inspires or edifies you.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Nourished and Flourishing

Have you ever communed with someone over a table replete with choice nutritional options and yet found yourself so completely sated by the encounter itself that you could not care less what the menu offered?  Laughter, conversation, and easy connection enchanted me recently; and much to my surprise, the very air around me seemed to seep into any empty places and satisfy every sense of longing for nourishment.  Like the best tiramisu, the finest chocolate, even the spiciest pumpkin pie, the pleasure of presence made me crave only more of the experience.

Image source:  personalitytutor.com

Nourishment can take many forms, as many culinary and cultural and comforting elements exist in countless configurations and combinations, we humans have holistic, multifaceted hunger and fullness mechanisms.  We are not bodies with a spirit, mind, and soul, but rather beings whose spirits, minds, and souls inhabit earthly vessels.  As such, intellectual stimulation, sharing sacred space, partaking in beauty and wonder, and yes, edible nutrition all have their place in the scope of sating appetites.

I like a lovely dinner with its nuanced textures, tastes, colors, and aromas as much as any other human.  I know it's counterculture to sit at a dinner table and abstain from delicacies at arm's reach.  From a survival standpoint, it may even be seen as counterintuitive.  Nonetheless, I have learned the art of savoring life's deeper nurturing - feeding the force that is me as a whole.  In this life, many do without the basic essential components of human thriving, yet I have come to a place in my life that is amply supplied beyond my imaginings.  It is with humble awe at my favor and fortune that I approach each day. 

It has been said that hunger is the best seasoning.  Gratitude, peace, abiding joy, perhaps, create the best garnish.  Whatever the recipe included at that table, I am filled and content.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What deeply nourishes you?
• Do you have a favorite ambient setting which brings you meaningful and lasting satiety?
• With whom might you share a meal and spare the meal simultaneously?
• Have you noticed fullness in ways non-visceral?
• How might you experiment with alternate means of nourishing yourself and others today?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of the preparation, presentation, and presence of that which makes you flourish!

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.    

Wired for Sound

I recently moved into a home with a wired (and impressive) sound system in place.  Honestly, it's been ten months...  Only yesterday did I have someone come to assess what I would need to actually utilize the ten speakers dispersed through the home, including two on the covered patio outside.  Obviously, I've lived without the luxury of those speakers for over four decades, and it's no needful thing; but the nagging feeling I'd get when I glanced at my ceiling made me feel foolish.

The two electronics professionals searched high and low for the speaker-wire, finally locating all of it.  Different areas of the home have different wiring even though it's the same system.  It made me think of the way we work as humans in much the same way.  God put an amazing system - state of the art - in humanity.  We're the pinnacle of His creation, and as such, we are capable of far more than most of us do with the decades we inhabit the earth.  In truth, many of us never actually power up to our potential.

When I really look at my life and the great abilities with which I've been endowed, it's like the sidelong glances at my dormant speaker system.  I realize with contrition that I have been wired for sound, yet my speaker-wires are long hidden due to feelings of various kinds, wanting to hide by playing small when there's no way to truly mask the truth. 

Luke 8:16 (MSG)

“No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a washtub or shoves it under the bed. No, you set it up on a lamp stand so those who enter the room can see their way. We’re not keeping secrets; we’re telling them. We’re not hiding things; we’re bringing everything out into the open. So be careful that you don’t become misers of what you hear. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.”

Jotting with Johnna:

• You were born with purpose and potential, wired for sound; have you figured out how to  let your light shine?
• What holds you back from living your most vibrant life mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, or fiscally?
• How will you address your wiring issues today so that you can be seen, heard, and celebrated for the unique ways you show God to the world?

Remember:  you and your message are so worthy of the discomfort, discipline, and devotion it will take to develop your talents and share them with the world.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Say It Until You See It

Salutations to my Wellness Scribes!  Forgive me for my recent absenteeism, but I was cowering while I should have been towering over my fears.  No more hiding - back to the exposition and expansion of truth as we find it and application of said truth to our individual Scripts.  Thanks for being here, whoever you are and wherever you find yourself!

"Say it until you see it," contemplating the subject in question today, visualization, I simply think of that simple phrase.  A distant cousin to "fake it until you make it," this concept refers to the practice of expectant faith in an outcome for which one develops a mental picture or mantra, anchored by the senses and accepted through affirmative repetition and sensory support.  That's my definition of visualization as I've explored it lately.  Belief and focused, intentional hope in the physically relaxed state of daydreaming is actually quite powerful - in fact, it is the energy behind fervent prayer.  Effective prayer involves trusting in the object of the petition fully, asking in alignment with God's will, speaking/seeing that which is yet to be as though it has already come to pass.

image:  Success.com

Visualization is the premise behind Jon Gabriel's testimony that he shed the excess weight on his frame and even shunned his migraine headaches, found in his 2015 publication, Visualization for Weight Loss:  the Gabriel Method Guide to Using Your Mind to Transform Your Body.  The mind is a powerful thing - something known to athletes and academics alike for centuries - and it can make the difference between struggle and success in virtually every pursuit. 

image:  LightofMind.com

One visualization practice, led by Jon Gabriel himself, is available here.  

image:  LionSpeak.net

I've used meditative practices like visualization for many purposes over the years, creating my own affirmative statements or reciting words from hymns or Holy Writings of my faith.  Walking with mindful attention to the steps as I take them, yoga with a focus on breathing through difficult asanas in order to build a sense of calm in times my combat PTSD is triggered, and even use of aromatherapy as an anchor to create a mindful and sacred space have all proven helpful to me.  If you've ever imagined yourself making a pitch or presentation, having a difficult conversation with someone, or running a race to the finish, you've done it too.

Jotting with Johnna

• Have you ever focused on the outcome, imagining the most optimum thing possible?
• If so, did the experience make you feel more confident, more relaxed, or more ready?
• Even if those were the only things to result from that visualization, would it have been worthwhile?
• What vision, goal, or dream might you use visualization to bolster?
• Why not begin today, with just a few minutes, conjuring the picture of that ideal outcome, perhaps adding instrumental music or a particular fragrance to anchor your senses?

Remember:  you are so very worth the energy, attention, 

and repeated action invested in your wellness, 

even if it seems to be all in your head.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.