Side Note

I'm composing this blog entry on a new device, an early gift for my birthday (which is exactly two months from tomorrow for anyone wondering about shopping days).  Upon setting up this new machine, I had to recall things I've previously established on other electronic devices.  Been there?

Well, one thing I had to ensure works here is my Dropbox account.  Dropbox is quite handy digital storage/backup that can be accessed on a standard computer, tablet, or even mobile devices.  The interface is quite user-friendly, and it has something I didn't even know it had - Dropbox Paper, which is a way to collaborate and cooperate with others on a project (like a writing project, perhaps).  It's pretty useful, and admittedly attractive to this introverted soul. 

Check it out here:  https://db.tt/Fu63EBos5m 

It's a free application you won't regret adding.

Darkness

I've wrestled with migraines for over a decade, since the line of duty injuries to my spine caused degenerative disk disease and spinal stenosis.  The neurologist I see has attempted all sort of medical intervention - I even had three rounds of Botox injections three months apart last year - with only limited results.  Even the injections from the emergency room that once provided relief are now impotent in my system.  To say it's frustrating is to understate the obvious - days on end of painful evasion of light and sound and scents...days lost to darkness.

But even migraines can honor God when I allow it.

Darkness and quiet, ice packs over the eye and side of the head where the migraine strikes, stillness and pressure, pillows that prop in the right places and take the pressure off others - these things are familiar to migraine-having-folks...and also there are the short, desperate prayers for relief.  Even those of us prone to waxing philosophical in our everyday lives (okay, maybe it's just me) get very direct in those times.  The electrical storm in my brain can be truly humbling as I stumble through the days after a migraine attack, leaving me feeling like an uncoordinated toddler fighting sleep.  Fortunately, there are no word-count-minimums to legitimize our prayers, just connection.

Be still & believe.

Even in the darkest places, isolated by pain, we can trust that God hears us and understands our hurts.

Jotting with Johnna

• We can likely all recall times of darkness; what drew you out of yours?
• Do you have God's Word hidden in your heart (memorized) so that, even when you aren't able to look at a page, you can still focus on a passage of Truth?
• What has pain taught you about patience, God's faithfulness, and compassion to others?
• How might the dark places in your life help highlight the goodness of God?
• Who needs to hear your story of deliverance from darkness & how can you share Light [a hand-written letter, in person, over the telephone] with him/her?

Remember:  your struggles can be strengths when you let God use them (look what He has done with the sixty-hour headache).  Claim victory today and reshape the burden into a blessing in Jesus' name.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Seeing & Believing

https://www.newson6.com/clip/14828022/heavy-rain-causing-flooding-water-rescues-in-eastern-oklahoma

Last night, we had volatile storms and voluminous rainfall.  Power went out at my home and in many other areas too.  Tornadoes, wild winds, and (personally) vivid dreams were prevalent throughout the wee hours.  One of my dream moments stayed with me this morning, and for that I am glad.

It wasn't the dream of trains and evasive maneuvers - one of many dreams I had last night - that I chose to cherish this morning.  Rather, it was a snapshot, a brief glimpse into a dream, and the feelings attached.  In the dream, I looked at my reflection and something in the reflection told me that things are turning around and heading to a place of peace and pleasure (the elimination of my recent displeasure) in my physical form.  It's been a few months since I recognized my reflection during the daylight hours, and it's been rare that I cared to linger long enough to really see it.  In the dream, though, I did not pull away or pout; I smiled.

Lately, Hebrews 11 has come into conversation and contemplation, especially being sure of our hope and certain of what we don't see.  Funny that a dream image should bring me a hope-filled smile, but isn't that just like our loving Father to feed and nourish our faith when we aren't looking?  

The YouVersion verse of the day, Philippians 4:7 says (in the Holman Christian Standard) "and the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Other translations and versions generally say "surpasses understanding," so I thought it interesting that this one used "surpasses every thought."  Thoughts influence what we see, how we perceive items, actions, everything.  Thought, mindset, worldview, any word you like to insert here, is surpassed by the peace of God.  

I am headed to healthfulness, out of this bewildering wilderness of weight that attached to me in the last nine months - yes, that's right, a human gestation period.  It is time for birth, for release, for the floodwaters to flow off the surface and let the sprouts that have been waiting to spring forth reach for the sunlight of the Son's purposes.  As the Psalmist declared in Psalms 63:8, I cling to God; His right hand upholds me.  As I speak that verse over this life, with the water overwhelming the earth just outside my door, I imagine God's mighty hand and mine, laced together for strength of bond, and Him lifting, upholding me, bringing me up out of the muck and mire as I cling to Him, my hope.

I am kept in perfect peace because I trust in, hope in, lean upon, rely fully on God!  Isaiah 26:3-4 is a reminder that God's perfect peace guards my heart and mind and I am sustained by His unfailing, upholding, unending peace!  This vision is true and trustworthy regardless any voices of doubt or opposition that may assail me.

We cannot grasp our nightly dreams, well, then there's Jacob (Genesis 32:22-32; Hosea 12:3-4).  People say they "caught a vision," and perhaps that means more than it might appear.  I shall hold onto the good vision-dream God has given me so that I might also bless others with it (Romans 12:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:21).  I believe that God has plans for my life, and that He shows me Himself when I seek Him with all my heart (Jeremiah 29:11-14), and He will bring me to a place from which I have felt exiled.  I am filled with faith and hope and humble joy; and I earnestly seek God (Hebrews 11:6); (I always struggled with believing this for myself), and He rewards those who seek Him with all their being!  

As the old hymn declares, "Whosoever surely meaneth me! "  I am learning what pride and humility really are.  Whenever I believe something about myself that is contrary to the truth God says about me, I'm not being humble, no matter how lowly I may feel; it's prideful, arrogant, and stubborn.  I always saw myself as a humble person, probably because I'm naturally introverted and shy and was repeatedly scolded for it in my youth, and because I had a low self-worth...  If I'm able to truly assess my attitudes, however, that which shows up as shame is - in truth - a pride problem.  Proverbs 29:23 says that pride humiliates, while humility brings honor.  True humility (as opposed to false humility) is a lens through which we are able to see ourselves - even our mirror reflection - through God's loving eyes (Colossians 3: 8-17).  James 4:6-7 says that God gives grace to the humble, and that evil must flee when I stand up against it.  Psalm 10:4 says that "the wicked are too proud to ask God for help.  He does not fit in their plans."

Colossians 3:8-17 New International Version (NIV)
8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Jotting with Johnna

• Have you been clinging to the truth about yourself, your identity in Christ, the fact you are "holy and dearly loved," or have you believed the lies of society, self-criticism, and the enemy?
• What if you caught a vision that more closely resembles the way the Father sees you?
• How might that alter your attitudes and your choices?
• Is it prideful to allow God's plans for you to elevate and empower you?  Really, isn't it actually humble to trust God to fill in the broken places, to be vulnerable to Him, to let Him be the Judge and in so doing, release self-judgment?
• What does the peace of God guarding your heart and mind in Christ Jesus look like in your daily life?

Remember:  whosoever surely means you, and that means God is not willing that you should perish but that you might invest your hope, your faith, your mind in Jesus' transformative work in and through your life (John 3:16-17; Romans 12:1-2). 

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Revolving

When I was young, my mother was a cake decorator (and bakery/deli manager).  She was an artist with icing, and technology was not such that it is today; so that's saying something.  One item I recall is the turn-table she used when crafting the sugary canvas.  Round it went as she turned with one hand and iced/decorated with the other.  She also used a smaller device to rotate and create icing roses. 

 

There was a task to perform or an evaluation to make with each turn of the table or pin.  Sometimes, situations in life seem to revolve - to come around over and over - and it can be vexing, especially regarding wellness.  I'm no yo-yo-dieter, but my weight has fluctuated by 25-30 pounds over the decades like that proverbial yo-yo; and at the moment, it's lost on me just who is holding the string. 

Each time I pulled off the "trick" of mastering my strength and body composition, I think I'm set to move away from the endless self-scrutiny.  Yet I eventually feel the pull of gravity and the tug of my waistband like a force inescapable as I attempt to resist the avalanche to no avail; and I end up at the ceiling of my weight (not a nice place to be).  Like Paul, I lament over my inability to simply do what I truly desire to do and maintain my size for more than a few years at a time (Romans 7:14-21); I know it is best for me to remain lean and healthy, but my flesh thwarts my intentions.  Like a bad song repeating itself over and over in my head, the resisted weight revisits.

Jotting with Johnna

• Have you had issues that revolve in your life, despite your resistance to them?
• When have you noticed these problematic tendencies occur - is there a commonality?
• What might the issues that vex you be attempting to teach or offer you?
• How might you explore the messages of your menacing behavioral offenders?
• Where do you sense answers coming from in your body - what sensations arise?

Remember:  the old adage is that what we resist persists, and also that things repeat in our lives until we learn what it is they seek to teach us and until we grow in that part of our lives.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Hangups

The practice of hanging things on walls began far before I could say.  In fact, decorating or communicating by means of wall-scape is so ancient as to represent some of the earliest human history.  The ways we deck the walls and hallways of our homes, however, are now quite varied and evolved from the hand-hewn messages in lost languages.  When I was a child, hanging art or portraits meant nails, hooks, and maybe piano wire; now, we don't even have to search for the elusive stud behind the wall's covering to hang even relatively heavy things.

What we display and where we elect to deposit things - that's another bit of fascination.  From magnetizing things to our refrigerator doors to peg boards and the insides of office cubicles to the sacred wall spaces in our homes, we choose what we want to recall, what we dare not forget, what we treasure, what we have accomplished, and what we have created.  My father had some real hangups over hanging things upon the walls of my childhood dwelling, warning of holes in the walls.  As such, it has been both liberating and vexing to adorn the walls of my adult abodes.

I stand in my office - the "Womb Room" I dubbed it upon moving here months ago.  It is to be the birthplace of books and blogs alike.  It is a haven for creativity, and at the moment it has two more things hung on the wall.  The items I hung yesterday have moved with me twice - first in the year following my husband's death, and finally into the home I bought to share with my mother.  They are nearly identical, but for the name on the plate affixed to each frame.  One bears my own moniker and the rank I held while I was deployed to Iraq; the other bears that of my late husband/wingman.  Since receiving the "Hometown Heroes" gift commemorating our service, we kept them in their embellished boxes.  It was simply too great a thing to see, too difficult a decision where they'd go; and so they stayed hidden until now - the place of honor they hold is either side of the French doors o my office.  It's sacred and quiet and something most folks will never see as they enjoy my home; and it symbolizes that it's okay for me to have something "just for me."

That's the real hangup that kept me from hanging up the twin frames bearing the names of the twin flames we were until death hid Steve on the other side of Heaven's wall - I have never believed it was okay for me to have something "just for me."  But he was, and he believed I was enough just for him.

So I stand in this office with a few things gracing its four walls, and for the first time, it truly feels like I'm preparing the Womb Room and the heart-seed to grow here.

Isn't it funny what happens when we see our hangups for what they are?  

They lose their power over us, and the result is empowerment of a new kind.

Jotting with Johnna

• What hangups have you recognized in your life?
• Where do some of your hangups originate, and where in your body's senses do they "land?"
• How have you handled these hangups, and what was the harvest you reaped?
• Have you changed the way you choose and display things in your space?
• Are there hangups keeping you held back from your dreams and goals, and why do they persist?

Remember:  you are so very worthy to have things in your life that render beauty, bliss, and the best from within you; and there is at least one person on the planet who could likely help you realize them.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Delaying & Replaying

Cassette tapes have nearly become extinct, giving way to more sophisticated technology (those that don't require a pencil).  The one above - and, yes, it's a link to Amazon where tape recorders/players like these can still be purchased - reminds me of those I saw and used in my childhood.  Now that I've "dated myself," why does this near-obsolete machinery matter?

In many ways, our minds work like this tape recorder.  We catch data as it comes, including plenty of background noise, and it's stored by our brains; but recall can be another matter entirely.  Distractions and distortions in the noise of our lives only make this more problematic...especially when those distractions are forms of procrastination and rumination over unpleasantness.

I'm guilty of delaying what needs doing and replaying what needs dismissed.  Fact is, sometimes I want things to be different and I want to avoid things that seem difficult.  As humans, we are wired to avoid pain and attend pleasurable activities, items, and interactions.  That's great for surviving; it's not so great for thriving, living a life beyond existence. 

Often, whenever I acquiesce to the essential tasks I've sought to evade, I find the reality of the experience is far less painful or difficult than the anxious mental detours I took trying to avoid them.  Phone calls to be made, errors to correct, paperwork to file...we all have our own form of nemeses that haunt our awareness at the edges like the background noise and interference we used to get trying to tape (record) something from the radio as it played.  It's static on our mental airwaves; but we can eliminate it and elevate ourselves to better behavioral technology.  It's time for an upgrade.

Jotting with Johnna

• What evasion tactics have you employed in relation to your overall wellness?
• Is there a conversation you need to have, a task you need to tackle, resistance you need to reconcile?
• How might delaying and/or replaying be wasting time you could otherwise utilize more productively?
• Who would be a helpful accountability partner in the transition from procrastination to productivity?
• List three things you can do today to eliminate some of the static of putting off what needs done.

Remember:  you are so very worthy of the discipline it takes to live a life free of static, a life less cluttered and chaotic; and it only takes a bit of effort to make it so, repeated often.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Critical Eyes

This morning, I had been criticizing my body, hating it for the digits it produced on my scale, for its stubbornness, for its refusal to comply with my expectations.  I viewed my size with critical eyes, as if that would somehow generate a response from the molecules to align with my demands.  Then I opened my YouVersion Bible App to the Verse of the Day...

"I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."
Galatians 2:20 (Amplified Version)
https://my.bible.com/bible/1588/GAL.2.20.AMP

I've read and even memorized this verse over the years in various translations or versions; but the first bit of the verse always had the bulk of my awareness.  Today, my heart bleeding from the beating I'd given it moments before, I locked in on the latter part:  The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.  I'm living in this body, indwelt by the Son of God, by faith in Him whose love is unsurpassed...and I've hated myself.  What an arrogant thing to do!

Self-loathing is not humility; it's pride.  The word-wiz in me went to the dictionary/thesaurus to find that hating is "to feel intense dislike, extreme aversion, hostility; detest; despise; disdain; disfavor; malice" among the entries.  "Malice?"  Oh, Dear.  I know enough Scriptures that warn against malice to know the Holy Spirit was driving the proverbial car to Repentance-ville.  

• 1 Peter 2:1 "Put aside every trace of malice..."
• Colossians 3:8 "Rid yourselves [completely] of all...malice.."
• Ephesians 4:31 "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]."
• 1 Corinthians 5:8 "Therefore, let us celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with leaven of vice and malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and [untainted] truth."
• Matthew 5:22 "But I say to you that everyone who continues to be angry with his brother or harbors malice against him shall be guilty before the court; and whoever speaks [contemptuously and insultingly] to his brother, ‘Raca (You empty-headed idiot)!’ shall be guilty before the supreme court (Sanhedrin); and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of the fiery hell."

What, then of malice that is inflicted inwardly?  How can that be helpful?  Godly sorrow is not the same thing as guilt, shame, and self-loathing.  Those things rob us of so many things that they cannot offer any virtue.  Instead of wounding myself and defying God's Word, let me "become enthusiastic for what is good" (1 Peter 3:13).  Our culture has much to say about "self-love," and it's not all from benevolent sources.  An appropriate view of my own value as a believer is best found in the kind of love God has for His creation.  To love-even-so, to be merciful, compassionate, and edifying in my words and attitudes toward myself is to agree with Him who made me.

Jotting with Johnna

• How has hatred, anger, malice, and self-deprecation been helpful for you as you pursue wellness?
• What stops you when you go on the downward spiral of self-loathing?
• Who could offer accountability and redirection for you as you turn the malice-mobile around and head toward a more loving way of being?
• Do you think that putting away malice toward yourself might also help your relationships with others?
• Where else in your life might the benefits of such redirection manifest?
• What reminder could you use - by your bathroom scale, in your closet, or elsewhere - to keep yourself mindful of the mandate against malice?

Remember:  you are so very worthy of acceptance, approval, and agape-style love regardless your size or situation.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Water

I have several shovels on my property, and many of them are actually mine...but several others are here to do the work of digging up my entire yard due to a water drainage problem that's been an issue since it was constructed in 2013.  I moved here seven months ago (November 2018), and I am very grateful for my new surroundings, but the palace I imagined didn't have a moat around it.  Fortunately, God led me to call upon a gentle, godly couple of men to hire for the job of this massive project; and eventually, I won't require the drawbridge to let the postman come to my front door.

Water, at the moment, is troublesome.  It's fascinating how something so essential can be so destructive.  I'm praying for the God whose voice called all that is into being, the Lord who calms the winds and the waves, Him whose feet effortlessly trod over water, because He can handle my local bit of flooding.  Whatever happens, it's going to work out in the end, and I am at peace.

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You!"

Isaiah 26:3 (NLT) 

Jotting with Johnna

• Have you felt flooded by life's concerns?
• Do you wonder when/if the tide will turn?
• Whom do you call upon when you're "up to your ears?"
• Wouldn't it be best to trust in the One who already knows your needs?
• How might you turn your cares over to Him, rather than continue to shovel blindly?
• What if that would create a flow of wellness from within that manifests in your whole being?

Remember:  control over your circumstances - and especially your response to them - is best entrusted to the Master of the Waves.  Call upon Jesus; you won't regret it.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.