11 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

This is nearly the final post of a series of twelve.  If it's the first you're seeing of it, please visit 1 of 12 and find links and context to which I'll refer in this post.

Step Eleven

"Sought through prayer and meditation 

to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, 

praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

Image source:  https://weheartit.com/entry/46083003

Prayer involves petition for the needs of oneself and others, praise in acknowledgment of the mercy and grace of God, and pursuit of God's will and guidance, even as we confess our lack and avail ourselves of His love.  Meditation is an act of focused attention on the personhood and principles as revealed in Holy Writ.  Meditation looks as different for each person as does prayer.  Methodology is not so important as the mission it supports and the motivating Object of our worship and devotion.  These are simply rough working definitions I've devised, but for the prospect of recovery, and the "conscious contact with God," they'll suffice.  Prayer and meditation need not seem mystical or far-away - they're communication devices, and gifts from God.

Model prayers are available from the Lord Himself and many of His followers.  Here are links to a few you might recognize:

The Lord's Prayer

The Peace Prayer

The Serenity Prayer

St. Theresa's Prayer

Various Options

I personally find my prayer is more focused when I have a pen in hand, sometimes writing out my prayer as if it was a magical letter delivered as it is written.  My mind doesn't wander so quickly that way; and when it does, I can jot into the margin any stray thoughts vying for my attention.  Conversely, I find a form of repetitive movement is more effective for me as a physical state during meditation than stillness, which can be physically challenging.  I have, however, learned the value and the practice of stillness in meditation.  I've also learned that, in the stillness, I am made to face myself and my sphere as it is, raw and real.  That's not so comfortable either, but it can be a catalyst for greater change.

Jotting with Johnna:

• When will you make the time today to pray and meditate?  There's no minimum time that "qualifies" as authentic - simply the intention and action - so why not decide now to do it?
• Where might you go - within your home or elsewhere - to find quiet and solitude in which to pray and meditate?
• How will you make sacred the space and time you devote to this practice?

Remember:
God has opened a channel over which you and I have access to Him.  What a great and wondrous gift!

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

10 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

I'm so glad you found this post!  Please note that it's one of twelve in a series - if you haven't seen the previous ones I published on the Twelve Steps, please visit 1 of 12.  That's where you'll find context and links to the resources referenced throughout the series. 

Step Ten

"Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

Image source:  https://dissolve.com/stock-photo/Detour-sign-royalty-free-image/101-D1028-20-698

Any time I get behind the wheel of my car, I realize there's the possibility I may need detours to keep me headed toward my destination safely.  It would be foolish to stubbornly refuse to alter my course when there are potential dangers to myself and others.  Detours aren't my favorite thing, but they're necessary if I intend to make progress.  Step Ten carries the momentum of the previous steps, reminding the Stepper that the walk forward is sure to require amends along the new path s/he has chosen for life in recovery.  Step Ten is the repeated application of all those preceding it.  It is establishment of a new pattern of forward progress that acknowledges one's humanity and recognizes that there will be "bumps in the road." 

Integrity in this Step shifts the power away from defects and the related shame, guilt, and defeat they once had.  It's a far more efficient vehicle that is unburdened with the weight of one's weaknesses and the damage they cause.  When folks are vigilant about their self-evaluation and promptly admit [and rectify when possible], they become more aware of the penchant for missteps as they arise and more apt to sidestep doing harm to others.  It's when we arrogantly dismiss the hurts we inflict that the defect grows and our resolve diminishes.  Therefore, keeping continued watch over thoughts, attitudes, feelings, and patterns of behavior is as helpful in the journey as incessantly watching road conditions, signs, and fellow travelers is on the roadways.

Jotting with Johnna:

• Are you worrying, ruminating, or obsessing over anything?  Such unproductive behaviors invite shame, guilt, and fear to the driver's seat; and only one Driver has true claim to that position.  Write out what's bothering you, give it voice and then do what is necessary to rectify the situation.
• Do you notice you're nursing patterns of behavior and thought which hail to your previous way of being?  Relapse is a common part of recovery; but it can only defeat you if you refuse to Step out of it.
• What actions have you taken today to curb former ways of being?  Take time to write down your "wins" and acknowledge your growth.  

Remember:
A driver will never reach his/her destination without harm to self and others unless s/he is willing to watch for signs, road hazards, and complacency behind the wheel.  You and the others in your life are so very worthy of the peace and calm that is generated by watchful maintenance along the way.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

9 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Hello!  I'm glad you're here.  If this is your first time on ScriptedWellness.com or your first in a week or two, you'll want to go back and begin with the post, 1 of 12:  A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts, the first in the series on the Twelve Steps as interpreted for promotion of wellness in all areas.  That's where you'll find hyperlinks to resources and references - if you find that something isn't cited in this post, it's because it is cited elsewhere in this series.

Image source:  https://www.christiandrugrehab.com

Step Nine 

"Made direct amends to such people 

[all persons we had harmed] 

whenever possible,

except when to do so would injure them or others."  

I imagine this one is a truly difficult step.  I cannot imagine, even as I write about these steps, walking through them; and I have deep admiration for those who are actually living the Program in its many manifestations.  Those dealing with vexations of all manner, from alcoholism, porn addiction, anger management issues, and even the compulsive overeating that Bill B. worked through in Overeaters Anonymous before he wrote Compulsive Overeater (1981).  

Note:  I've never participated in any twelve step program, so my writing on the topic is not subject to my own experiences, nor have I ever known firsthand anyone who experienced the transformation these groups can bring.  I'm simply examining this script from an academic, and admittedly hypothetical standpoint, to see what scraps we can glean to weave into our own individual wellness scripts.  Now that I've arrived at the ninth in the set of twelve, however, I think most of us could benefit from the process, myself included.

Step Eight has members compile a list of those harmed by the recovering Stepper, and Step Nine is the fruition of that list - making direct amends.  The writer cautions against expectations of forgiveness and reconciliation, as many humans would rather cling to resentment than relinquish their rights to retaliate.  The truth is that this step isn't for them, it's for the recovering person, and we must allow people to be wherever they are in their own grief and growth processes, including ourselves.  

I suspect, struggling with a fear of conflict myself, that many get stuck here, anxious over the inevitable confrontation inherent in such conversations.  Fear never healed anyone, though.  It must take immeasurable courage to go to those whose festering wounds may indeed explode all over your fragile heart.  Bill B. encourages, "You make amends, not for what you are going to get from the person you have harmed, not from any motive at all except that you want to be of maximum service to God and man.  You can be of service only if you are free from those past wreckages."

Some on the list may be deceased, or so far estranged that reaching them, even in this connected age, is rendered impossible if not impractical.  For advice on dealing with difficult folks, even dangerous ones, you can find articles as easily as you found this one.  They are quite well researched and contain great wisdom.  As for those with whom you cannot have dialogue, I have a couple of suggestions as Jotting with Johnna is replaced by Jump into Action with Johnna for this step.

Jump into Action with Johnna:

• Write a letter to the harmed person and then read it aloud as if the person was indeed present.  Once you've read the letter in its entirety, rip it to bits and imagine tearing up an invoice, debt paid.
• Pull up an empty chair and pretend the person is present in the seat beside you.  You could even place a picture or a stuffed animal or some talisman to represent that person's essence.  Pour your heart out, and when you're finished, replace the furniture and any symbolic things, and consider the matter closed. 
• Make a donation to charity in the name of that person, one relevant to them and their own beliefs.
• Plant a tree or purchase a houseplant to nurture as a way of making amends to the harmed person.
• Volunteer your time in a cause that would be helpful to that person, something they would appreciate and that you otherwise would not feel led to do.  Get those hands dirty as a means of cleaning up your life.

Remember:  

Not all conversations are easy, but the necessary ones will reap a harvest.  You are so very worthy of witnessing the harvest of your hard work, planting seeds of amends, weeding thorns away from precious hearts, and crafting a better tomorrow atop the ashes of yesterday.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

8 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

I'm glad to see you here!  In case you're new to this blog or new to this series, this one's eight in a series of twelve posts.  The first of the series, 1 of 12:  A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts, contains links, references, and context to which I'll allude in this one; as such, please revisit earlier posts in this series for those resources.  Many of those are also linked here, and others added; but if you fail to find it here, you can find it in previous posts.

Step Eight:  

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Image source:  https://www.worfolkanxiety.com/blog/why-you-should-write-a-list-of-your-positive-qualities

This one could use a disclaimer, I believe as a trained therapist, so here's my two cents on this step.  Relationships with other humans are not without complication and harm.  Ideally, everyone would have proper motives and perspectives with which to conduct themselves.  This is not always the case, however, and I've had to learn that firsthand and then make the painful choice to surgically remove people whose attachment to me was unhealthy.  Narcissists take the removal as another notch in their martyrdom belt, and as such, may deem themselves slighted because their access is now denied.  That is a manipulated and carefully curated view of their behavior, and further contact with such a person is not helpful to either party.  Narcissists will be convinced, and convince others if possible, that their behavior is purely altruistic and the only fallible humans are the ones outside his/her skin.  Make one perceived false move, whatever your own motive, and the narcissist in your life will pounce on it like a panther and never retract those claws, only perpetuating the codependent, poisonous cycle in which s/he thrives.

If you have had to make the agonizing trek away from someone who is toxic to your mental, physical, emotional, fiscal, or spiritual wellness, I believe that person is best left to another type of list.  Sometimes that is the "best possible relations with every human being we know," as a line in our current Wellness Script terms it.

Now, back to that current Script from which I'm operating, Compulsive Overeater, 1981, by Bill B., founded upon the Twelve Steps and the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) co-founder, Bill W.  Bill B's recovery story took place through Overeaters Anonymous (OA), an interpretation of those twelve steps for use with problematic food relationships.  As mentioned earlier, you can find reference links in earlier posts within this series.

Bill B. quotes the AA tome, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions on its definition of harm for use with step eight:  practically, harm is "the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people."  The reason I mention harm to fiscal wellness in my disclaimer on this step is that improper behaviors with money, credit, or similar resources tends to point to other aspects of danger in a relationship.  Sometimes we cannot see something until it's in black and white (and red all over), but it's harder to ignore ruined credit and repeated demands for financial rescue which doesn't lead to reciprocity in any form.

A starting place for making the list is the inventory one does in Step Four, as the character defects listed there will bring to mind those impacted by - or harmed by - those defects.

Jotting with Johnna:

• Reading about Step Eight, who comes to mind?
• Write out not only the names, but the specific ways you may have inflicted harm - don't roll around in self-loathing, but be honest and concise with yourself about this.
• A couple of the hyperlinks above will deliver worksheets both for Step Eight and Step Four to help with this process.  Avail yourself of resources that will assist you in this task, because you'll need the list for the next step.

Remember:
Everywhere you go, people are exclusively human.  We all fail, but we are not failures.  You and those in your life, on your list, are so very worthy of the work of healing, and paramount to healing is being able to look upon the wounded places with clarity and courage.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

7 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Welcome to the seventh of twelve posts on the original Twelve Steps interpreted anew by author Bill B., whose Compulsive Overeater (1981) came to be written after his personal success with Overeater's Anonymous, a twelve step program fashioned after Alcoholics Anonymous, with Bill W. as co-founder.  I have no affiliation with either organization; and links to these organizations, the book to which I refer can be readily found in the first of this series, 1 of 12:  A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts.  Redundancy precludes further reference in this series; and any additional texts to which I refer will be linked in these later posts.

Step Seven:

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

Bill B. refers to the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 76, noting, "if humility could enable us to find the grace with banished our greatest obsession, then there must be hope that humility will also help us remove any other problem we could possibly have.  We can banish problems - if we have humility."  This isn't about self-abasement, groveling, or making oneself "less-than," but rather seeing oneself with vision unclouded by self-protective fears and pride.

Humans tend to craft elaborate stories about shortcomings to project blame onto anything or anyone but ourselves.  We protect the ego the the peril of our higher potential.  Others in your life, some past hurt, even a catastrophic event may have initiated patterns of behavior you're now seeking to disrupt and dispel; but those people, that hurt, the moment in time your life felt wrecked for sure - they did nothing to perpetuate the problem.  I'm reminded of the 1974 Smokey Bear campaign slogan, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires."  The proverbial kindling may be abundant in your life, but you're the one who decides if it becomes ashes or if you relinquish the flamethrower so you can heal.

https://images.app.goo.gl/D7vCstQfkVRb9iZo9

Own it, and you have the power to overcome it.  

Feel free to quote me on that.

Bill B. quotes a prayer from the Big Book, and reading it made me see my four decades of devotion to God in an entirely different light.  That phrase stopped me in my tracks, "...You should have all of me, good and bad..."  It is clear to me now, that I want to give God my best, and I ask His forgiveness for my failings; but that's not the same as giving him the "good and bad" with equal eagerness.  I see now that was arrogant and naive, ultimately self-destructive.

If I don't give God the parts of me I see as unlovable, I'm carrying around a big chunk of weight I don't need (1 Peter 5:6-7).  Jesus' sacrifice is for all of us (Romans 5:18-21), for all of me, not just to forgive, but to heal and to bring peace (Isaiah 53).  He is big enough, strong enough, and present enough to do all those things and more when I release my grip on the reigns and ask Him to drive my vessel to higher ground (Ephesians 3:14-21).

Jotting with Johnna:

• If you wrote a letter to God and listed the parts of your life (which can actually never really be separate from the whole) you have given Him, would it include the parts of yourself - your life - you see as "bad?"
• What haven't you handed over and why?
• Do you see God as compassionate and capable enough to want all of you?

Remember:
God wants you so much He gave up everything to win your soul (John 3:16-17); and because of His investment in you, you are so very worthy of His acceptance and covering.  This is not because of anything you could ever do or undo (Ephesians 2:4-10), but in spite of the shortcomings you insist on carrying.  Let them go, and then see what happens.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.     

6 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Greetings!  Is this your first time here, or maybe your first time back since this series began?  If so, please refer to the "1 of 12" post for context and links and other references I'll likely cite below.

It's six of one, half a dozen of the other to me.

Step Six of the original Twelve Steps, 

as interpreted by Bill B., author of Compulsive Overeating, 1981, 

a text he developed after finding recovery through Overeaters Anonymous (OA), is: 

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

When I enlisted in the US Air Force, one of the career fields I considered was called Readiness.  The motto of my unit, 138th Fighter Wing, Tulsa Air National Guard, is "Strength through Preparedness."  What does it mean to be entirely ready, and what does it mean to remain ready, especially in relation to the sixth step?

Image source:  https://fliphtml5.com/veop/abir/basic

It is one thing to desire change, even to declare oneself in need of assistance to execute that change, and still another to be fully ready and poised for that process.  As Bill B. explains, "giving up our character defects and becoming sane makes us feel very vulnerable...even though we seem ready to have God remove our defects of character, we still resist."  He suggests that we progress, then, with one defect at a time, exercising genuine willingness to release them into God's hands.  "How can you do that?  Well, you just do it, that's all..." writes Bill B., "...just leave it, and build up from there."

At this point, I'm seeing that the sixth step is like a set of steps in itself, the number and nuances of them relative to the pilgrim whose quest it is to walk away from the attitudes and behaviors which bind him/her.  It makes me think of dancing in that way, because the steps within this step may not all look alike, but they'll get the dancer to the finish anyway.  The rhythm [of your life's events, your relationships, your progress] is likely to switch on you, but you keep moving because, "our problems do not lessen in this Program; our capacity to deal with them, however, increases infinitely," according to Bill B.  I've taken line dancing lessons at my Community Center for a few years.  There are dancers of all levels in the same room, all stumbling to the same tune, led by a volunteer who is, herself, and amateur.  Now, I'm positioned on the side or in back of the room so others can follow my lead - like a sponsor.  Even those of us who know the steps and the song by heart sometimes make missteps, but we don't quit until the song ends and it's time to move onto the next one.  Further, if you sit out dance steps you haven't yet mastered, you will never grow.  "We have to deal with the character defects that compulsive overeating [insert your wayward vexation] covers up."

I began by noting my unit's motto, "Strength through Preparedness."  How did we prepare, or make ourselves ready for the tasks necessary to protect and defend our country?  How did we individually and collectively promote a state of perpetual readiness to be the war-fighting team with mission-ready jets and equipment we were?  We put ourselves through training, physically, mentally, emotionally.  We made sacrifices socially and financially.  We strengthened ourselves and our Wingmen in every way we could; and then we positioned ourselves appropriately.  We were prepared, yes, but until we were proven, we were merely practiced - readiness doesn't mean it isn't scary or risky or easy.  

Jotting with Johnna:

• Are you entirely ready to allow God to remove the character defects keeping you stuck in patterns of self-destructive behavior?
• What resistance comes up when you consider yourself as a person who no longer has those traits?
• Will you put yourself on the proverbial dance floor and move toward mastery, willing to make missteps as we all do; or are you merely going to sit aside and listen to the music?

Remember:

"Ready and willing" is a common phrase because it is essential to moving toward something desired.  James 1:22-25 urges us to eagerly do the work and earnestly promises we are blessed when we do.  You are so very worthy of the work of readiness and the blessings to come!

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

5 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Welcome!  If you're new here, or new to this series, please visit the first of twelve for references and related context to this content.

Step Five:

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

"Confession is good for the soul," I've always heard.  I'm uncertain who strung the words together in this precise fashion, but the concept is as old as time (Psalm 119:26; James 5:16; 1 John 1:9).  Even in the Garden of Eden, people were called to confess before further action was taken.  It's obviously important to recovery of all kinds, and the original set of Twelve Steps acknowledges that.

I've heard confession defined as "agreement with God about our selves and our sins."  Psalms 66:18-19 suggest that unconfessed sin creates a situation in which communication with God is shut down entirely.  In this way, confession truly is key to the door of forward progress toward restoration.

Image source:  https://images.app.goo.gl/dvh7WeWhEHVyd6qE8

Confession to others, however, meets with resistance as I consider it.  God already knows the truth, and it is futile to try and hide like Adam and Eve, hoping He won't find me out; also, His grace and mercy already sustain me, so I know I can trust Him with every detail.  Other humans, however, tend to look through lenses colored with their own kaleidoscope of belief, experiences, expectations, and other filters prone toward judgment and condemnation, or so my fears would tell me.  Isn't it funny how we can feel less alone when we go to someone and admit wrongs only to have them express they were complicit somehow, lessening the blame burden?  This reciprocity, however, isn't happening in Step Five.  That's because it isn't about mutual incursions but individual frailties, flaws, and fault - one's own alone.

In this step, the concept of a sponsor is explained.  The role of a sponsor, according to Bill B., author of Compulsive Overeater, 1981, is "to be supportive of the person s/he sponsors by guiding that person through the steps."  In receiving an inventory, a sponsor is not there to point out more defects or moralize the list in a way that makes sense to him or her; rather to simply listen attentively and hold reverent space for that person as they share in the safe confines of that relationship.

Jotting with Johnna:

• With whom can you safely share your story and self-evaluation?
• Are you willing to be completely honest with God and this "other human being?"
• What feelings arise when you consider the admission regarding the nature of your wrongs?

Remember:
You are not your behavior; but your behavior and your attitudes about it can bring you pain and defeat if you allow it to continue binding you where you are.  You are so very worthy of the liberating release of those bonds through authenticity and genuine confession.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

4 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

This is the fourth post in a series of twelve.  Please refer to the first in this series for references and context regarding this series and its resources.  For the sake of preventing redundancy, I'm not repeating those links and citations through this and the series' post which follow it.

What's it all four anyway?  Okay, I'm being silly with homophones, but it's time to explore Step Four.

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

According to Bill B. as he recounts the Twelve Steps used by Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder, Bill W., "The first thing we need to do is clean house" before we can "straighten out spiritually," and make way for the remainder of life to realign.  In this Step, followers are instructed to compile a list of "things, people, and institutions" that elicit anger, and then review that list asking oneself why the anger is related to these objects.  In assessing this, the list maker is meant to see his or her own responses and reactions to the stimuli in the list and recognize his/her own failings.

Next, the "defects" revealed by the first instruction are to be listed.  Bill B. suggests, "you will find resentment, grandiosity, anger, jealousy, guilt - to name some of them."  The two-fold purpose of these instructions, according to Bill B. include the notion that "we can do nothing to change until we admit our own faults and ask God to remove them," which makes me think of confession leading to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10).  Secondly, Bill B. cites as the impetus for this inventory is "to look at how we have harmed other people in the past."  Further in the chapter, he notes that "the same character defects keep showing up" as you follow the timeline of your life.

Image resource:  https://slideplayer.com/slide/8870294/

Bill B. suggests a method of discovering and listing these "defects" by constructing a story beginning at your conception and culminating in your epitaph.  The autobiographical work of fiction he describes ameliorates fears that "we're going to divulge something we don't want to look at."

Bill B. asserts, "the greatest enemies of compulsive overeaters are resentment, jealousy, frustration and fear."  He states, "the way to get rid of all that from the past is to get rid of the reasons we want to hang onto it."  The fourth step is the first tangible action step, according to this text:  honesty first, hope second, trust third, and action fourth.

Especially in relation to unhelpful patterns of behavior, most of us have no problem mentally and emotionally castigating ourselves, whether it's vocalized or internally played on "repeat" in our minds.  I don't think that's particularly helpful, in fact it's been harmful in my own experience to ruminate in shame and self-loathing over my perceived shortcomings and persistent sins.  2 Corinthians 7:10 comes to mind again, but this time it's the latter part of the verse.  Guilt, shame, and fear keep me running to the very things I want to renounce.  The inventory is not meant to be a whipping post where we stand trial; rather it's meant, I think, to be a tool of realistic evaluation from which to derive useful information for recovery.

Jotting with Johnna:

• List what's caused you grief, guilt, or gut-level anger and why you imagine you have this visceral response.
• Write out the birds-eye version of your life's timeline, noting emotional and behavioral nuances that are revealed in the process.
• Let it be what it is and refuse the temptation to berate yourself - it's a history, a story; and this isn't the last chapter by a long shot.

Remember:
Regardless of your weaknesses and wrongs, you are still so very worthy of acceptance and of the work it may take to overcome the obstacles of your life - even those you erected yourself.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.  

3 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Welcome to the third of a series of twelve exploring the interpretation of the original Twelve Step Program as it is used in Overeaters Anonymous.  Please refer to the previous parts of this series for background and for links to resources.

Let's begin!

Step Three, adapted for compulsive overeaters by author of Compulsive Overeater,1981, Bill B, reads thusly:  

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him."

Image resource:  https://hymnary.org

Once one humbly and honestly honors the situation s/he is in with the vexing behavior, then reverently recognizes that s/he is actually not without prospect of restoration, the choice to avail oneself of the care-taking God offers - and yielding to His leadership - is natural.  It is an act of volition to relent one's own agenda and rely on the One who can fix things.  It is a courageous act, and a crucial one.  When we learn that we will never master ourselves in and of ourselves, we reach to the Master.

Bill B's way of conceptualizing God seems more like building a god (little "g" intended) to suit oneself, which seems arrogant and misplaced in this journey of humbly seeking help from a "Power greater than ourselves."  If I am to believe in Someone as the Sovereign Authority, to trust Him to be big enough and wise enough to lord over my life, I don't want Him to be something I've invented.  Further, since I have "accepted myself the way I am," it serves me well to "accept God the way God is."

Before you think this means I'm going to bash you for believing God is different from my understanding of Him, relax - I've already established that freedom of faith and belief was one of the most important reasons I served in the military, so I must have a pretty significant stance on that freedom.  Part of that freedom, however, was my own; and as the old Hymn goes, I Know Whom I Have Believed.

Bill B. states that Step Three is "the step of trust."  He states, "There is a big difference between belief and trust...having trust is more than just acknowledging God's existence.  Having trust is being willing to allow God's existence to overshadow one's own existence."  Further, he admonishes, "Believe in a God who is trustworthy, and that God will never fail you." 

Real hurts in our history and confusion over calamities in the world can muddy the waters and add painful connotations to concepts of God, of Father, of Lord.  If your earthly parents or other guardians were cruel, negligent, or unreliable in any way, the idea of trusting a Loving Father may feel loathsome to you.  You may have anger, fear, or other trust issues tangling your heart's strings, and you are not alone if this is the case.  My heart hurts for your heart.  God's does too; and He can be trusted.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What emotions arise when you think of trusting God with your wellness quest and with the remains of your endeavors?
• Can you remember specific events in your life that perhaps informed your reaction?
• If you were able to revise your perspective, now that you have moved forward in life, how might you come to a place of trust?

Remember:
You are so very worthy of love and leadership that seeks your best life.  John 10:10 recognizes that there is an enemy whose ambition is to "steal, kill, and destroy;" but there is a Hero in Jesus whose aim is "that you might have life, and have it to the full."  No matter what the enemy has done to destroy your belief, your hope, your trust, you can count on the Hero Jesus is.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

2 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

This is the second in a series, exploring what place a set of twelve steps to recovery used by countless folks might have in the Wellness Script we craft for ourselves.  For Scribes seeing this post first, please refer to the post, 1 of 12:  A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts, to begin with a bit more context and links to resources.

Now, where were we?

Step Two, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity," conceivably, to a life managed well, sounds far more promising toward promoting wellness than Step One did for me.  As you likely noticed in the first post of this series, my stubbornness insisted upon hope by the end.  That's just swell, I figure, as it is an acceptance of who/what I am and that I'm apt to remain obstinately optimistic.

The key, according to Bill B, author of a 1981 interpretation of the original Twelve Steps for the purposes of recovery for compulsive overeating, is willingness to believe.  It seems prevalent in those of us whose food/body relationships have been perilous that we are willing to call ourselves crazy, out of control, or even hopeless; yet it is rare for us to entertain the notion that our perceived insanity might be remedied outside of our striving.  This notion is just what Step Two seems to declare, however, and that the restoration of sanity is delivered by a Power greater than ourselves.

It strikes me, as I consider this initially, that Step One speaks of the compulsive overeater's powerlessness, and Step Two promises that a Power is the answer.  I'm a believer in Jesus, and that's been no secret here on this free forum.  He is my Power, my Source, my Redeemer; and I am all that I am because He is who the Bible says He is.  If your faith background differs from mine, that is yours to have.  I fought for freedom's sake during my military career; and paramount of the freedoms I hold dear is the freedom to believe and practice as one's own heart and history lead them, so long as it does no harm to others.  

Image source:  https://www.biblejournal.net/2019/03/05/restoration-from-despair

The contention that the Object of one's worship and devotion could restore sanity is one I'm inclined to support.  I have been restored in every way by my Savior; and I believe He is all-knowing, ever-present, and absolutely-sovereign.  That means to me that, on a cellular level, a cognitive level, an emotional level, a social level, a spiritual level, and even on a behavioral level, I can trust God to lead me and to provide all I need for a life of wellness in every regard (2 Peter 1:3).

So, what is this "sanity" in context of Bill B's Compulsive Overeater?   He states,

"To me, sanity is being able to live my life and enjoy it without having to worry about food or people or situations, without worrying about things or letting things out there control me.  Sanity means eating in a normal way - not through discipline but through accepting myself as I am."

Jotting with Johnna:

• How would you describe your relationship with food and body image?
• Do you relate to the idea your eating behaviors constitute insanity?
• What resources might help you believe a Power greater than yourself could restore your sanity?

Remember:
You are so very worthy to believe that Someone who knows you intimately and whose power is limitless can and is willing to restore whatever has been broken in your life.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

1 of 12: A Dozen Days of Twelve Step Concepts

Obvious to anyone who has seen my recent posts, I've broken up with diet dogma.  It was a rough relationship, and one that has left me scarred.  I'm not going back, ever.  I do, however, still have a substantial library of scripts by those whose research and routines have helped many, including myself, find lines to include in our own Wellness Scripts.  As a fellow Scribe, especially at the beginning of the year, I intend to find and feature the pearls I find perusing these texts. 

This is the first in a series on one of the "oldies."  Fashioned after another lasting twelve step program, Overeaters Anonymous (OA) has related texts to explore.  I haven't ever been a part of this program, so I'll learn alongside you what each of these twelve step concepts might say to us today.

Image source:  https://step12.com/the-12-steps.html

Alcoholics Anonymous has been around for over eighty years now, its Big Book seen as the ultimate tome of recovery to this day by those in its various programs, OA included.  The links I've included in this post will take you to free resources, even a free digital copy of the Big Book itself.  There are many interpretations and offshoots of this program, all of them pointing back to the original and the program's co-founder, Bill W. (1895-1971).  Many readers are likely observing "dry January," and may find the Big Book helpful.

Bill B., another Bill for another burden, published his 1981 interpretation for compulsive overeaters after his own experience with OA helped him with that nemesis.  I linked the author with the book, republished in 2011; but since I was unable to find a free copy of Compulsive Overeater, the link takes you to Barnes & Noble, with whom I have no affiliation.  Nor have I affiliation with any other such seller, and as such, I'll disclose that my own 1981 copy came to me from a secondhand store commonly known as Goodwill.  Full disclosure:  many of my books are acquired secondhand, and I'm not sorry I've given them a second life.  Also, I believe in supporting your local public library.

Bill B's adaptation of the original Twelve Steps for use by compulsive overeaters is given in the pages before the book's preface, and the first is: 

"We admitted we were powerless over our food compulsion - that our lives had become unmanageable." 

Essentially, this is a recognition of the pain, grief, shame, and other costs of behavior and a humble recognition that our own attempts at modifying that behavior have profited us little.  It's a release of the pride which keeps one stuck in the muck and mire of unhelpful relationships with food and body.  It is an acceptance of self despite shortcomings and it separates one's self from one's relative sin - we are not our actions.  In Bill B's words, "What the First Step helps us to see is that we are what we are - and we are never going to be different."

It's no easy thing to honestly, unreservedly, and humbly accept oneself when the culture around us and the history behind us (even the dialogue within us) seems to insist we control and coerce ourselves into being other than what we are.  What, exactly, are we?  We are human souls inhabiting flesh, gifted with thought and intuition and language and all manner of liberties; and we are fallible, frail, fickle creatures whose innate mechanisms of regulation are given to dysfunction.  That does not mean we are wretched, hopeless, worthless folks who need a program in order to function - it means that we learned some ways of being which have become part of our identity up to this point.  As learning creatures, we are adaptable and ever changing, which means we have hope after all, our worth inherent in our existence, and our inner dialogue faulty and deceptive at times.

Jotting with Johnna:

• What reactions do you have to the concept you might be "powerless over" your own wellness obstacles?
• Are your own obstacles time management, impulse control, lack of boundaries, or is some other thing causing you to abandon your intentions in the moment of decision?
• Have you ever felt as though your life "had become unmanageable," and if so, is it because you were relying on your resolve to exercise control at all times?

Remember: 
You are a person of worth.  You matter.  You are not your behavior.  You are capable of more than you'll ever fully know, and that includes recovery.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Alphanumerical ideas on 2020.01.20

My affinity for language and diction, wordplay and other inventive combinations of our lexicon, is likely obvious to anyone who has stumbled upon my writing here or elsewhere.  Ever the poet, I'm also fond of numbers, their patterns and peculiarities a pleasing adventure for my brain.  I'm particularly fond of prime numbers, and my birth-date consists exclusively of primes, so I suppose it was destiny.

Today's date seems auspicious, as it is the twentieth day of the twentieth year since the turn of the century.  As such, there have been nearly three weeks since the New Year celebration with its related concepts and customs.  Of these twenty days, how do you feel about your behaviors and efforts toward your wellbeing?

Image credit:  https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxE4tqaLKHgCe57G_aCbGuqMfPEFnM4BaLVoZRfc2EeipQAuzw-46DQVo74RcfMR6hXe2Waao0ZM5AW3bY4bPCq_nGpcKR-ugGDrgSE7Ei8vrcpjlhgjjBNlNzmllx3XvAZ2d75tuFfpg/s1600/CALENDAR.jpg
On Leap Year, such as 2020 is, draw a line in the "Y" of February and add its 29th day.

I determined that, for at least twenty days each month of 2020, I'd perform twenty pushups (modified) and twenty situps.  I've used an inventive little page I found on the web to mark those days, keeping myself accountable and celebrating that accountability simultaneously as I fill in the day's block with a colored pen.  One night, I was disinclined to perform my little ritual, and that was acceptable because I only need perform it 2/3 of the month anyway to keep the promise I made myself.  In this way, I built in a bit of cushion for rest/recovery and engineered a way to keep the numbers from toying with my emotions.

Thus the topic of the day:

numbers can be motivating or menacing, 

especially those related to our health; 

and the feelings attached are fickle,

sometimes even destructive.

I own a scale - a nice one - but the number displayed on its read-out isn't always, well, nice.  Oddly, when the number marking the impact of gravity on my body that day is deemed in a positive light, I'm apt to stand a bit taller.  Conversely, when it seems gravity's pull is more like a personal orbit, even if I felt pleased with myself before stepping upon the device, I feel shamed and sad afterward.  I have not stood upon the judgmental square in quite some time - a cursory look at the app to which it syncs revealed that it was Halloween last year.  I honestly haven't missed the measurement, so I didn't realize I had gone through the holiday season without so much as a nod to it except when I was cleaning beneath it.

Tracking one's weight, measurements, and other such data can be helpful - even possibly necessary for someone whose health is precarious; but I have obviously survived months without a visit to the digital abacus which had been my albatross.  I've always thought the better measure of one's corpulence could easily be assessed in one's clothes closet.  To be honest, I've had more than one rueful encounter with my (old school, spandex-free) jeans generate a bit of repentant action (or abstinence) over the years.

Public Service Announcement:  leggings, glorious though their embrace may be, will lie to you.

I abdicated a throne of sorts within a community of people who bowed to the idol of weight-wariness (and weariness) more than a year ago now, and it has been more freeing than I can articulate.  The fear and manipulation and mind-games inherent in those weekly weigh-ins (and in my case, I was only required a monthly weigh-in for most of the decade-plus I participated) makes me sad now.  The number, even though it was met with praise most of the time, wasn't always reached via healthy means.  Overexercising, dehydration, and obsession with food's (arbitrary) numerical data took up more of my life than I am willing to confess.  And this is the case for every other "member" with whom I have had the intimacy to inquire.  So, I walked away from a community-culture in which I had obtained rock-star status; and it was not easy, but I kept stepping forward into the unknown... 

In so doing, I walked into a wonderland of self-evaluation and discovery afforded to me with the return of the energy and attention I once paid to the god of that "lifestyle."  I refuse to permit my worth to be summed up by any number; and the attempt to express how healthy that has been for me cannot be summed up in even our vast possibilities of elocution.

Jotting with Johnna:

• How do the numbers on the scale, measuring tape, or clothing size tags impact your outlook?
• Do you find yourself feeling rebellious or defiant (why even try, I deserved better) when you've "been good" only to perceive the weight or other measurement as "bad?"
• Ever been so disappointed by the digits that you literally thought, "no fair?"
• Alternately, have you ever dreaded weighing, only to find the number more favorable than you thought?
• Is there some other way you might find to observe your body's relative strength, flexibility, stamina, and function?  
• Hint:  yes, there are several.  
• List a few you will try.

Remember:
Scrabble and Sudoku are swell games to play with alphanumeric icons; but numbers that hurt your spirit are entirely optional sources of pain.  You are worthy of a more appropriate assessment of your value than any calipers could determine for you.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well. 

Save the Best for Last

Rules, dogma, beliefs, and expectations regarding behavior with food - they're so much a part of my mental backdrop that I didn't really question them until recent years.  I was born in 1973, so I came of age during a time the diet craze was permeating every venue from school to church, home to market, neighbor to neighbor.  My earliest memories of my mother involve her many diets.  When my father had a heart attack (I was fifteen), the low-fat concept was preached as absolute salvation from all woes.  It radically and rapidly changed everything from pantry to plate for my entire family - we were quick and militant converts to the low-fat/no-fat movement.  Thank Heaven, science has debunked those ways, but it left many folks sick while it held sway.

Image credit:  thelist.com

There's history, however, prior to the days of leg warmers and excessive hair spray, relevant to the stage I'm setting.  My father was born in Missouri during the time of the Depression and under the weight of the Dustbowl Era.  He and my grandfather moved here for work and then my grandmother and aunt followed in the state-to-state migration of the family.  He knew real want, knew real hunger, and knew scarcity as a status quo.  My mother was born here in Oklahoma in 1945, and lived near other family members, sharing with neighbors in order to scratch out meager rations.  To have some sweet, decadent food was indeed a special occasion - a feast of sorts - and treated with reverence.

Humans have celebrated with feasts and commemorated times of fasting since we were created.  Food scarcity is still a problem for many around the world; and when food is made available, it is wise for those who suffer such lack to get what they can - even saving the choicest bits for last, something to look forward to and to relish until the next opportunity.  Forced periods of fasting are rare to most whose eyes will see these lines.  We have access in excess of our needs, at least when it comes to acquisition of something to sate the appetite.  Feasts have become our default as it is common for coworkers to have lunch in restaurants - and one must "get the money's worth."  Portion sizes served typically are so enormous as to be shameful - eliciting a shame response for certain when a consumer is in fact able to "finish the plate."  We feast ourselves fat and fail to fast in balance, the voice of our body's higher wisdom drowned out by the cacophony of internal and external static.

Chew on this:

• When was the last time you dined out in a restaurant that was devoid of screens - on the walls, on the table, or those we currently tote around with us?  
• When was the last time you partook in a meal and simply savored the blessing of your freedom to choose what sat before you?  
• When was the last time you noticed you felt absence of hunger before you felt uncomfortably stuffed - or saw the plate's entire surface area exposed like some magic trick?

I grew up being admonished to "save the best for last," but never truly questioned the wisdom of it until recent years.  What if, given the vast opportunities to nourish oneself, I approached the plate differently - electing instead to discern what aspect my intuition hinted was the nourishment I needed in that moment?  Then, rather than endeavor to maintain the cultural conditioning of consumption (cleaning the plate), what if I paid attention to the processes of my amygdala/hypothalamus in its dance with the other "brains" of digestion - the spirit/heart and the "gut-brain?"  What if I listened to the subtle suggestions of this amazing body and learned what it is to be comfortably fed, ceasing to consume more until I felt less so?  What if (nutritionally) that's the "best" I've been saving for the "last" decades of my life? 

I realize I've indulged in a bit of repetitive introspection, but perhaps someone reading this needed to think this through and hadn't yet done so.  I'm so grateful to live in relative ease when it comes to accessible edible abundance, the freedom to choose, the luxury of setting down the fork because I know there will always be something when I am in need again.  Not everyone has the advantage - I was once one of those folks, and it informed the first few decades of my life.  Scarcity now, however, is merely a perceived threat for me, rather than a present one.  Can you relate?

Jotting with Johnna:

• When you prepare to eat, what items do you prepare other than the food and utensils?
• Does the thought of eating without the distractions of television or reading or other entertainment cause you anxiety?
• Where do you notice you have developed habits around food that may no longer be relevant?
• What can you do today to apply an eraser to parts of the nourishment script you've followed?
• List a few ways you might detach from the distractions during meal/snack times.

Remember:
We learn as we go, and we don't have to stop that learning in any area.  You are worth the self-study, the awkward moments, the space-shifting it may take to evaluate your mind's programming regarding nourishment, entertainment, waste, and any other concept that comes up for you as you read these lines.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Heeding Signals

Take a drive, virtually anyplace, and you'll observe drivers either acting in accordance with or in defiance of traffic signals.  Traffic signals - from "yield" and "stop" to posted speed limits - are intended to promote safety and to expedite flow of all vehicle operators and pedestrians on the roadway.  In order to obtain a license to drive, one must become acquainted with the signs and the procedures they signify.  It's hard to believe, sometimes, when I watch the actions of other drivers, that we all were taught the same meanings ascribed to the symbols and colors, even the words and pictures meant to govern safe travel.  

Image credit:  https://fairwheels.com/understanding-the-concept-of-traffic-signals-traffic-signals-save-lives

Everywhere you go, people are human; 

and that means we act in ways contrary to training or conscience, 

presuming (at least occasionally) that we are exceptional to the standards.

What of the signals offered by our bodies, though?  Often, our societal training overrides the signals provided in the intricate and amazing creation of our bodies and minds.  Messages regarding "wastefulness," expectations from loved ones and other authority figures to conform to their norms around food, advertisements for processed food, and so many influences make the road signs of our intuition difficult to see - like a fog of information clouding the innate judgment of the brain.  

Consider it:

• How often have you felt sated, yet you were compelled to "finish your plate?"
• Were you chided for eating too slowly or methodically, or for your aversion to a food?
• Have you ended an eating experience, only to wonder where the food went?

The natural eating style of these masterfully-designed human bodies gets confused as we attempt to please others (or avoid their displeasure with us).  As a military Veteran, I can attest that it's not just our families of origin contributing to the mixed messages.  In Basic Military Training, one must devour food and drink any way possible as quickly as possible without choking to death...and that programming is difficult to fight once the career in uniform ends.  In school, as children, this is often an issue as well, either stemming internally from our desire to exit the dining facility to join others at recess or from the external pressures of those facilitating the flow of children on a strict time frame.  Those are just a couple of examples, and the family of origin examples are too many to compile in this simple blog post - and family members have their own set of beliefs and practices passed down to them, their own reasons for teaching children (or pressuring adults) to eat in certain ways.  Mostly, the motives of parents passing along these methods of eating are not malicious but pure.  Finally, the food industry in general manufactures additives which confound sensory inputs in an effort to increase consumption and sale of their edible products.

We are (except those few with particularly rare medical issues) equipped from the womb with internal mechanisms of nourishment.  As newborns, we sense hunger, satiety, the need to eliminate waste, the need for sleep, the need for touch, and many other things that keep us healthy and functioning well.  By the time we are old enough to articulate those needs using language, many of the messages the body sends are met with the resistance of external influence.  

Just as we have unlearned the meaning of our intuition's gentle nudges, however, 

we possess the ability to relearn them 

and to reject the notions we picked up on the way to this point in life.   

The fact is, Scribes, the pen rests in your hand.  As adults, you are sovereign over your selections, powerful enough to determine whether or not it is appropriate to feed yourself or pass on the opportunity, knowing that food is readily available (at least to anyone reading this blog) and will be available when the actual requirement for sustenance is signaled by the body/brain.  How then shall we proceed?

Jotting with Johnna:

• When was the last time you waited to feel "hungry" before partaking in "breakfast?"
• Do you still hold to the notion that "breakfast" must be had before a specific time of day?
• Have you taken a moment to question your beliefs around nourishment?
• Why might you be resistant to revere your body's innate direction regarding when to begin and cease an eating experience?
• How might you intentionally attune to the body's natural stop-slow-go, yield, and speed signals? 

Remember:

You inhabit a body that is bio-individual, unique in its needs and preferences.  You alone master the utensils you hold.  You alone know the cultural conditioning and other manipulations which steer you from the path of intuitively nourishing yourself; and you alone can refute them in your behavior.  You are so very worthy of the time and attention it will take to explore and live out the nuances of your Wellness Script when it comes to following the director within you.

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Clean Slate

Image credit:  https://theparentcue.org/wipe-the-slate-clean

This time of year, especially at the beginning of a decade, messages abound on various media and in our social circles that point to the opportunities of a "clean slate."  Much like the proverbial "glass half [empty/full]" can always be refilled, the "slates" of life can always be swiped clean again, can't they?  In truth, the moment - any moment - every moment - is a fresh chance to begin, to reset, to approach all aspects of life in a "new" way.  There's no reason to postpone progress to the first of a week or the first of a month or the first of a year; nor is there any purpose in feeling defeated when a start is met with a stop, whether internally or externally induced.  Resolutions, then, are limitless in scope and no proper cause for self-judgment or grounds for surrender of goals.

It's a couple weeks into 2020 as I wax philosophical at my keyboard, and already the gym's parking lot was less congested than it had been Monday.  My regular 0530 crew of "repeat offenders" continue to show; and while we are always glad to see "newbies," the attrition is no surprise once the "New Year" is less new. 

Are you just beginning - or restarting?  Great!  I hope everyone you encounter is kind and encouraging, that you advocate for yourself by asking for assistance when you need it, and that you stay your course.  You will fail - we all do - to be perfect.  Humans are not meant to be perfect, and no matter how resolute you are, things will happen to throw you off track.  But take heart, the track didn't dissolve when you detoured; you can start with the next decision and get "right back on the horse." 

Yes, there are myriad metaphors here in these lines, but the message isn't cliche. 

 There will likely be more metaphor and simile here, because word pictures work!  

Just because you veered from your intended route, that doesn't mean you cannot "recalculate," as GPS devices are fond of saying.  Keep your promises to yourself, even if it means offering grace when you don't.

Jotting with Johnna:

• Have you felt that your efforts are "all or nothing?"
• How might you revise your mindset with the experience of "dropping the ball" on your goals?    
• Does perfectionism elicit self-hate when your performance is sub-par?
• Might "built-in-breaks" be part of your "plan" from the beginning - how might those bits of mercy change your overall success rate?
• What can you say to yourself or do for yourself when the inevitable slump or pit-stop threatens your forward momentum?

Remember:
Every breath is a beginning.  You are so very worthy of whatever it takes to get you drinking the water, taking the walk, lifting the things...

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Technical Difficulties

I'm currently at a work table in front of my built-in entertainment center, my laptop tethered by cord to my Apple TV device (one I've had for several years).  Why?  Because, apparently, the little box needed some TLC - not the television station, but the acronym alluding to attention and alteration.  I'm currently updating the software relevant to the times.

That has me thinking of our wild and wondrous lives.  We don't work well when we are bogged down with outdated ways of thinking or being or behaving in the world, do we?  I am certain I've needed a reset more than once in my adult life, and it hasn't ever been as simple as a cord and a few control inputs.  Usually, it's felt more like a destructive reboot (or a literal boot to my bum).

My Cache, Recycle Bin, and Downloaded Files get clogged in this amazing and connected life; and sometimes the overwhelmed circuits of my brain and body call for a spontaneous shut-down.  Having been in bed nursing a migraine three straight days, I realize this blog post was in the works for a while.  Sometimes my mind is more foolish than I'd care to admit, because I tend to dismiss the signals it's wisely urging me to heed.  That's when it will shut down without ceremony.

Confession:  the first three paragraphs were penned on 15 December.  It's 11 January - a whole new year - and I've got the second Apple TV device to update for my roommate's entertainment system.  I've been working so much around the house and having contractors in and out, not to mention the holiday-specific parts of life, that I delayed the thought until now.  Ironically, the post I wrote yesterday (Death and Taxes) had to do with updating software. 

There's a theme working here, I notice.

Often, when electronics are wonky in their operation, it's advisable to "cycle power."  That merely means that power is turned "off" and then back "on," usually with an interval in between those modes of operation.  When all else fails, unplug.  Other times, a factory reset is required to clear the system of interference (like cleaning out the lint filter on the dryer).

This week, even amidst the fearsome to-do list, I let myself off-the-hook for my morning gym sessions.  That's no small thing, given that I spend that time with my bestie; and excusing myself from our 0530 sweat sessions meant I'd get a little more sleep, but miss out on much-needed buddy time.  Factory resets - getting down to essentials - sometimes ditch the good with the bad; but they're often necessary in this life of incessant inputs.

Jotting with Johnna:

• How do you attend to and alter your life when you need a reset?
• What have you learned "the hard way" from refusing to rest?
• Who might help you be more mindful of the need to "cycle power?"

Remember:
Machines get overheated and people get overwhelmed; but there are ways to keep a system operational.  You are so very worthy of the reset, the act of cycling power, and the effort of updates to your software from time to time.  Find someone who holds you accountable to rest when you are resistant so you can avoid catastrophic system failure (or in my case, migraines).  Think of it as a firewall or fail-safe friend. 

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.

Death and Taxes

I figure my own income tax.  I have done this every year since I set out on my inaugural adventure of employ.  I also still have a copy of those early returns, even though I technically no longer need most of them.  More accurately, I suppose, my income tax is figured on my personal computer, replete with ten-key for all the digits and details.  I use the same software every year since the complexity of my tax situation warranted it - you might hear the sigh as I recall the days of procuring a paper form at the local post office and filling the boxes...a simpler time...  

I use the same software, that is, with updates...

The annual task of taxes has me thinking of the process with new focus now in 2020.  Every year, I purchase the new software license and update for that year.  Why?  Every year, there are changes to the law.  As our country and its conscience evolves, so the ways with which our contributions are considered evolve in turn.

How is it that we accept these changes in tax law as a natural (even if begrudging) happening; yet the changes in our physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, fiscal, and other aspects of existence are resisted or denied?  Isn't it logical to believe that the "software" and even the "laws" behind our digestion, musculature, posture, thought-life, social situation, and pocketbook would also show another year has passed?  Perhaps we are too afraid to face the entropy, maybe it's our collective need for control or perceived constancy...but we humans see the certainty of tax law shifting while we dismiss the near-obvious and nuanced shifts in our very-present reality.

What if new software, an update to match our aging hardware, could be as easily obtained as the compact disk from which my tax software is currently extracting files?  Oddly, I think we might better cope with such an update; but the subtle and unyielding ways in which our bodies display the marks of time...that's a "bit of a pickle."

Many books and blog posts and seminars address the inevitable modifications made by on a cellular basis.  Most of those whose reach is recognizable in the United States offer a manner of magic hinting to the fountain of youth.  Fear-based fanaticism over facing the multi-faceted impact of gravity and the consequences of our choices are capitalized upon by those who believe with zealous passion they have the silver bullet...  Granted, these tomes have their merits and can improve the quality of life for those who are able to sift through the diatribes to the diamonds on those pages; but what does the popularity of these writings say about us, really?

Corsets, hair color, creams, girdles, control-tops, push-ups...all aimed at youth-ing, all while making us insecure, uncomfortable, inconvenienced, and indebted, they age us in so many ways, ironically.

What if we recognized the gift age is?

What if the problem is that the software we are using is meant for a model that's obsolete?

What if the upload we require is already within us - and always was?

Jotting with Johnna:

• What might happen if you listened to your current cues of hunger and satiety?
• What if you lovingly stretched and lingered there a bit, rather than rushing to the next thing to do?
• How might you embrace the body, mind, spirit, soul, social circle, and pocketbook you actually have, practicing good stewardship and gratitude?
• Do you think an intuitively-driven stewardship might bring more peace to your daily life?
• Where might you spend the energy and other resources you currently wile away at fighting the years of life with which you are blessed?

Remember:

You are so very worthy of the acceptance and care it takes to see yourself for the changeling you are and allow the changes to happen while also appreciating the wisdom of caretaking...

Stay tuned.  Stay focused.  Stay well.